Профиль

Everybody must either wang chung or engage in kung fu fighting. We have no other choice.

me: being online was making me sad so I got offline and then being offline was making me sad so I got back online psychiatrist: my god you are truly a specimen

Elected official: *does literally anything that benefits non-billionaires* Every Republican: Welcome to socialism.

World Cup fever got me. I can’t stop kicking things.

Yeah I don't know, guy. I don't really see how making someone else's life terrible is going to make yours any better.

You’ll survive but you’ll be funnier in ways that worries people

The Beatles: “All you need is love” Maslow: “No”

You can enjoy life or you can go to nursing school but you can't do both.

Out: Better things are possible In (laser eyes etc): Better things are inevitable

NANCY PELOSI: We must find the next generation of Democratic leadership. Young, charismatic and exciting candidates who can energize the party. People that voters love because they're not 80 years old and sold out to big capital. CHUCK SCHUMER (behind sniper rifle): Found one PELOSI: Take the shot

If you’re not sure if you should get a cat, just know that those two cats will be the best three cats you’ve ever had

I'm bored do you wanna be really kind to each other for no reason other than we deserve it or nah

tissues is short for trust issues

i don’t have any new dog pics so here’s a pic of my tits: ( • )( • ) haha jk these are my tits: U U

My wife just woke up and heard the cheering and said "Did Trump die?"

♫ We’re Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band ♫

never been invited to a group chat but my mom says it’s because I’m so much more mature than all the other posters

an octopus with a strap on. got it .

you dont understand: if I say ‘unpopular take’ before sharing something deeply antisocial, I should be immune to criticism, I said it was unpopular.

getting my jorts and crop tops dry cleaned in preparation for brat dad summer