Профиль

Like, why the fuck...ever

If you shut up for just one minute you'd hear fall creeping up on us.

[inventing weather forecasts] close enough.

Y'all need to stop making all these losers famous.

mountain dew or mountain don’t. there is no mountain try.

Happy birthday!

Every morning I scroll my news feed, and every morning I marvel at how stupidity can be both cause and effect

But I am cleaning up so well

what's a good healthy coping mechanism to try for someone just getting into healthy coping mechanisms

Me using "no cap on god" in a conversation with my nephews

heavy is the head that eats the crayons

[on 1st date] Me: Have you ever spent a Summer sailing through the Greek Isles on a superyacht? Her: No, I’ve always wanted to Me: Same Me: *shows photo of sedan* this is my Civic, the A/C makes a clicking sound

Claw back deez nuts Mr Trump

Peacocking, but it's just the pockets hanging out of the bottom of my homemade jorts

tickling me is a good way to ensure you’ll never see me again

Happy birthday!

Don’t be fooled by the hype for The Odyssey. It’s just Big Mythology trying to sell us more hero’s journeys.

[Oprah voice] you get a tariff and you get a tariff and you

“Correct me if I’m wrong” Dude, I don’t have that kind of time.

When things are going well, my anxiety starts preparing for the plot twist