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“Correct me if I’m wrong” Dude, I don’t have that kind of time.

Concealer is the most secretive of all cosmetics.

Blush is the most embarrassed of all cosmetics.

This feels personal

Anyone have a good cerebrectomist

what's a good healthy coping mechanism to try for someone just getting into healthy coping mechanisms

This is a skeet about E. Jean keeping her money 🙏❤️

Every bit of this. 👇

i've run the numbers three times now and it's always the same

if you looked at the moon you owe me $10 venmo info in bio

Claw back deez nuts Mr Trump

I’m like Canada boycotting America in a relationship. You can say you don’t need me all you want, but once I leave you’re going to feel the shortage.

when there was only one set of footprints that was when I ghosted you

I’m a klepto *takes umbrage*

have you ever had one of those days where you just go aaaggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *recharge* aaggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Stop posting insane bullshit at 2 a.m. and maybe you'll be able to stay awake during a friend's funeral, you greasy fuck.

I do this cute thing where I misinterpret a post but then comment anyway... it's just one of my many gifts

Maybe I will try this

I wish random adults would just spontaneously “turn goth” one day and stay that way for years like when we were teenagers

By expanding my vocabulary I easily doubled my entendres.