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It looks like the dog is saying this

😘🙌🏻

Bro, I was going to compare thee to a summer's day, but bro you are far more lovely and way, WAY more temperate

how many fuck arounds does it take to find out

why do they call it divorce proceedings instead of a prenope.

⬆️ me, with almost all emojis

I don’t really know what this 🫪 means, but that doesn’t stop me from using it a lot

Me: *wishes upon a star* Star: *is immediately swallowed by a black hole*

Forgive me friends for it’s been far too long since I posted some Natsu for your lives.

things you can get with: 👁️‍🗨️this 👁️‍🗨️that 🔘 a secret third thing the choice is yours

this is my brain on drugs

worlds colliding

"are you planning to get a haircut soon?" she asked, using her fingers to gently change the direction of the part in my eyebrow

settle down, gandalf

him: hi, what’s your name? me: fuck you! that’s my name!

speed dating but where you answer every question with quotes from glengarry glen ross

She loved her surgery cone for the first couple days (it made her feel powerful and intimidating) so we got her a courted ruff to look sinister in.

(acting in American Psycho but I forgot my lines) wow... business card.... a perfect rectangle... white, with words on it... All the key information is on here Jared Leto: (also forgot his lines) Plus it has Dope Handfeel as well

Probably the sex crimes. That's my guess

sweaty sports bra is trying to strangle me i’m trapped send help