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No one knows what bemused means, we need to let this word go

I don’t really know what this 🫪 means, but that doesn’t stop me from using it a lot

I think everyone who blocked me did it because they loved me too much

Your mom is rage bait

Everyone’s worried about whether the thumbs up is sarcastic when there’s nothing more sarcastic than this 🆒

I’m at the heat advisory. I’m at the flood warning. I’m at the combination heat advisory and flood warning.

When I say “When my ship comes in” I’m talking about my library holds

Seeking wisdom from the ancient texts (looking up lyrics on lyric websites)

Is word salad still safe?

What’s the opposite of a go-getter? I’m a leave-me-aloner

My whole account is like, what if someone was playing Quiplash and made it everyone’s problem

They should invent a lunch it feels possible to return to your office after

Beef Wellactuallyington

There’s something very wholesome about seeing a group of women holding empty matcha cups. They’re out enjoying the summer day. They haven’t littered.

Opening a competing company called Crumpl. It’s also cookies but more tragic.

The girlies are wearing pajamas that look like clothes and clothes that look like pajamas. I never know what time of day it is anymore.

Wondering if IT’s response about the spam I reported was also spam. Trust no one

Para-antisocial relationship

I already celebrated Father’s Day earlier this week when I tried to make a joke to a barista that clearly made her day a little worse

I’m going to a party later, so I’m watching Animal House and Can’t Hardly Wait to prepare