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Respect for the blender work there

That was my OG pfp 😂

*extravagant gentlemanly bow* Thank you, ma'am

Not so loud, my boss will expect that shit

Me: *wishes upon a star* Star: *is immediately swallowed by a black hole*

I was in a harpsichord accident and Baroque my Bach

Trying to be funny online is kinda like Sisyphus deciding to eat that rock

when i jumped to the recipe the website called me a bitch

FYI there is no "real" reason why Rome "fell." Its power waned for the usual, mundane reasons: widening gap between rich and poor, inability to maintain infrastructure, incompetent leadership, pointless wars, endless persecution of marginalized groups who performed vital labor, etc.

If you come into my replies with some utopian usage of AI at some unspecified time in the future and demand I support it now just imagining a thing absolute nobody is doing the work to create as a possible use while ignoring the horrific abuses and consequences already known, I'm just blocking

It's worth verbalizing that the continued deregulation of our financial markets means that they are less an economic indicator and more a dark beast that devours the future and shits it back out as money

PSA: Don't drink sulphuric acid. Or if you find it difficult to quit completely, try to cut down.

I just knocked over a windchime display at Lowe's, and now I'm being asked to tour with the Dave Matthews Band

the divine bitch in me recognizes the divine bitch in you namaste

the design in my latte was a mushroom cloud is that good

We've got people out here working hard to be stupid, not letting those of us naturally gifted with stupidity have space to operate

All the wrong people self-hate

Overnight Oats are an easy way to start your day with something cold and clammy, a textural nightmare, a sensory prop labeled "iced brains" in a haunted house

People always talk about how you shouldn't wear Apple Watches in photos because it's going to make the photos look dated, so that's why I always wear my broken Casio calculator watch because that thing is timeless.

If I had a nickel...