Профиль

Six hours of sleep sounds reasonable when you call it 11:00 to 5:00 instead of midnight (too late) to 6:00 or 10:00 to 4:00 (too fu@ken early). Time is mostly branding.

When you love your job, it’s FriNay.

Is it “high on life” or “drunk on life”? I want to get this letter to HR just right.

Maybe “beautiful” just means, “I like looking at it.” Everything else is just us trying to explain why.

Maybe the real productivity isn’t what you make at work. Maybe it’s what you produce when you get home.

Although I am not here to motivate you, you may find yourself motivated by what I say. That’s on you.

I appreciate confidence, but every goose walks around like it pays property taxes

Sharks rarely attack humans. [shark rings my doorbell] I may have found the exception.

(Bill) Fish aren’t metal. There are silverfish and goldfish… are fish metal?

Friend 1: So… this is something I learned at the widowers’ club. Friend 2: But Sheila’s still alive. Friend 1: Yeah, but I’m dead to her, so…

I used to identify with Hank Hill. Then I started relating to Boomhauer. Then Bill. Now I’m drifting toward Dale. What’s next… Peggy?

If plants could scream, gardening would become a much less popular hobby.

I hope my shoes know where we’re going. I don’t.