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I need a TV that can tell me if I've seen this show before and maybe also if I have food on my face

starting to think my cat is an ex girlfriend spy

I'm sorry I told your kid that hindsight meant looking at butts professionally.

Where were you while we were getting high, mfer

gonna hit this refresh button until the whole universe starts over

logging on to judge you

A passion for opiates is just poppy love.

hymen pigeons

Eating a brownie like it’s my last meal on earth

Watching the rain head towards me. And it smells so good

Terrifying if literal: dream job

The goal is to make myself laugh. If you come along for the ride, even better

why am i wearing this hi vis vest all the time well i think youll see we are in a constant state of emergency

Do you even know that you peaked in high school, bro?

A drumline but it’s all saxophones

Just say noligarch.

corrugated brian

Why would somebody lie about liking big butts?

Planet today, the audacity of the sun punk-sprung and deadly, like the glass lamps we couldn’t stop touching. Free to a good home, it sank down the side of my face, and I cried like a planet, while the sun like my eyes were free and to a good home, while the it shone.