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Burnt out from trying to be happy & thrive in a society that doesn't want me to exist and has anti-intellectualism on the rise, and with an economy that makes me want to end it all. But at least everything is also on fire.

[baby court] ME: I’d like to remind the defendant that I still have his nose

this is like the time i got a new label maker

Your boyfriend sat in a room with a colander for twenty seven minutes and didn't put it on his head once

when you say "sit" but she's only half listening

the effort needed to sneak into a city is measured in Trojan Horsepower

I may not be the best thing happening to you, but I can definitely the most ridiculous

🚨 After 40 years of research, Brazilian scientist Dr. Mariangela Hungria wins the World Food Prize for pioneering a $2 nitrogen-fixing bacteria treatment that replaces costly fertilizers, saves farmers $25 billion annually, and cuts 230 million tons of CO₂ emissions.

I had an ADHD joke but then a fly buzzed by and I couldn’t find my zapper. Then the dryer buzzed so I swept the floor. What? Why are you staring at me?

My local seafood restaurant was scrimping on portions so I took them to the small clams court.

Are you saying the DOJ withdrew that pool vandalism indictment… upon reflection?

Could someone put a blanket over my cage please?

My dad thought "rizz" was short for risotto

eating a bunch of books to keep up with ai

Emotionally I'm in a Kohl's singing Jon Secada at the top of my lungs

Ok so maybe we should've tried to be heroes for like 2 days?

Hard times are created by weak men in boardrooms who choose profit over the people who generate it.

There’s a woman at my nearby park that hangs out and if you wait long enough, no more than five minutes, a dog will be within eyeshot and go apeshit when seeing this lady. Apparently every dog in the neighborhood knows and loves this woman. They run right to her, dragging their owners. Beautiful.

Bold choice to remind everyone what a nightmare Covid was as we struggle to find SAFE SALAD GREENS, two bags of groceries are over $100, and RFK Jr decides to meet this moment by launching a cooking show.

So now we’ve gone from “her emails” to “his diary”. Yep. This country is a soup sandwich and all we have are forks. 🤦‍♂️