Профиль

Calling all fans of The Far-Out Five: Book Two is out in six-ish weeks time. It’s called Portal Loo Panic and there are loads of weird dimensions in it plus lots of whelks (and the main villain is an impala called Vlad). Preorder, tell your kids, tell your nan etc.

Number 2 would have been funnier but we can’t have it all. Get you tickets while they’re hot: www.edfringe.com/tickets/what...

You can reduce the cost of keeping buffalo when abroad by switching off roaming.

The Edinburgh festival starts in a week’s time. This was me ten years ago in 2016, halfway through the month and definitely not cracking under the pressure of performing every day. If you’re in Edinburgh this August, I’m doing two shows, one for grown-ups and a family friendly one. See you there 👍

Видео

There are a lot of things I don’t do but finishing my sentences with a childish word for excrement is something I do do.

If my pants were on fire I don't think my first instinct would be to lie about it.

🚨 ELEVEN DAYS UNTIL THE EDINBURGH FRINGE STARTS KLAXON 🚨 campsite.bio/ofalafel

I got my dog chipped the other day, my other half thought we should have buried him but we’d hired the chipper for a week so I thought I’d get the use out of it.

I'm not fluent in Morse code but I'm pretty sure that this tap dancing class I've just joined are being held against their will.

He handcuffed me naked to a lamppost, he didn't book a taxi to the church, he locked the vicar in a cupboard and then he lost the rings. If it hadn't been for Cotton eye Joe...

You can turn household gas into tear-gas by reading your quarterly bill.

I've started an evening course in mattress making just in case I need something to fall back on.

Important phone call …or is it

Видео

Remember, if you're not a part of the solution, you're insoluble.

Genuinely thought this bin was levitating

My Stupidest Super Stupid Show is coming back to Edinburgh in two weeks and a few days. If you want some good honest family friendly comedy get your tickets now! www.edfringe.com/tickets/what...

Видео

Honk if you love impersonating geese.

“Anywhere here’ll do please mate”

Right, sit back and defend the lead

I tried playing Jenga with the people in the old folks' home but it's surprisingly difficult to get them to lie flat and balance on top of each other.