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I wish I had enough free time to fill out a parenting spreadsheet.

My parents would have needed more meta-categories, e.g. efforts at undermining the efforts of the other, creative energy given to novel passive aggression, and so on.

Crikey ...

If this were for an academic project or a book then I would completely understand... if it is just to keep score and feel smug then it is weird.

I mean, why not? Raising a kid is incredibly hard so if it works it works.

All this effort could have been avoided by simply getting a divorce

The author is Keynes’s great grandniece.

Did they miss the turn for the Graun? 😉

Is that how partnerships work? What happens when the child gets sick?

marking a P up to three times a day would take like 15 seconds, not sure what the freakout is here. If you don't think parenting requires a bunch of lists and calendars and tracking, then you're either not a parent or you don't pull your weight.

Would be interested to hear the kids views when they grow up on their upbringing being logged on a timesheet to claim TOIL

I don't have kids but I do have "to do" lists leftover still from covid times.

Surely, nighttime feeds/trying to get the kid to sleep is worth x 2 daytime/evening equivalents? Asking for a friend.

So if one child is upstairs in the bath with Dad and Mam is downstairs feeding child 2 how does this work towards parenting split? Are tasks weighted and is duration a consideration? Can't see this leading to petty grudges and passive/aggressive comments in any way, no definitely not.

WTF is an "evening of parenting?" 99% of my evenings are spent parenting, at least in part. It's literally just "an evening" because "am parent."

Don’t really understand this. When one is doing the parenting is the other one lay in a hammock drinking a cold beer? When one of us is doing bedtime etc the other one is tidying the house, doing the dishes, cooking dinner etc. We’d need another spreadsheet for that!

Does the kid also have a spreadsheet, with Cs in the rows?

Just as I was thinking of finally subscribing to the FT …

The real surprising part is this disaster of a person found someone willing to reproduce with them. There's someone for everyone I suppose

You should see the s/sheet Baby is keeping !!!

Definitely looking forward to her book arriving at the Library.

That's really freaking weird

That's genius! Then you can look at the evidence and see if you *actually* do more of the work or if it just feels like you do more of the work, and then you can figure out why you feel knackered based on reality.

Oh my god @soumayakeynes.ft.com you are a genius

Could have been worse, could have used an algorithm.

If you’ve time to be filling in a spreadsheet, you haven’t been parenting.

I’m reminded of this excellent article by Stefan Collini in the @lrb.co.uk: www.lrb.co.uk/the-paper/v4...

Time is only one dimension. Lacks any objective measure of quality. There are a fair few shit parents out there.

Poor use of a spreadsheet imho. This is what Salesforce is for.

Wow, that's really tender. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways... (uses spreadsheet)

This is bait for middle-aged people

Right? RIGHT?!

Throw in some aged parents and teenagers and the simple morning/afternoon/evening construct goes out of the window.

so is "in credit" referring to doing less work or getting to spend more time with your beloved child who you can no longer imagine the world without?

Blimey, there are some really po-faced people in the replies here with a lack of imagination about what other people find enjoyable. This wouldn't work for me, but I can absolutely imagine having fun geeking out about something like this if both partners are on board.

that scene in The Shining but one of them finds the other just pasting Ps into a spreadsheet colum.

Only most weeks!? Try harder.

Some people spreadsheet things as a coping mechanism. It's (usually) fine.

What a marvellous present presumably with an itemised bill for their child in later life.

There should be laws about allowing people to become parents. Exhibit A:

The Parenting Spreadsheet. I feel like that phrase is driving me insane even now. The Parenting Spreadsheet. Nothing good can come of this.

If only they'd included a subject child wellbeing measure, they could have worked out the determinants of parent effectiveness and optimised parental input.

I have a brother and sister in law who insisted on tracking their baby's weight before and after each diaper change, or maybe it was each feeding, or maybe both- at any rate we all thought they were insane, and they're still ridiculously controlling about everything she eats, among other things

I'm currently married to an absolutely incredible man who carries his weight as a parent and everything else, and having a spreadsheet like this for us would be silly because we both trust each other to do our parts. 1/

Sounds like they're on a similar path to the main character in The Change - a brilliant, hilarious series about a mother reclaiming 3.5 million minutes of parenting/domestic work by going on an epic adventure www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio...

Obviously getting ready for the divorce case.

Unreasonable out of context. The rest of the article is an important discussion about modern parenting.

Wow. Only thing I can say about this is that I admire the person willing to share it publicly.

Well, later in the piece she does say “it’s not for everyone”. So there is that.

I feel like this sheet will be entered into evidence someday.

Is a “I don’t know, go and ask your mum” classed as parenting but also would you do this less so as not to give credit away? Can you claim credits for sending them to your parents like they do with carbon?

Exactly !

I’m not registering to read that, the opening paragraph is scary enough

English society is broken.

At least they're trying. If it works for them, what's the problem?

Dread to think what else is on that hard drive.

Has anybody done a quick analysis on how many of the unpleasant comments are men vs women. Would be interested to know, because cursory reading it does skew. Might be a touch of the kicked dog barks.

It’s a good article, and far wittier than most of the comments here.

Sadly it isn't a gift link. It's now paywalled.

This MUST be satire... Right?????

Ugh.

So after 200 entries they were up 1.5 days and about 5 bedtimes, yet decided 800 more were necessary??

Doesn’t seem like the basis for a long lasting, loving relationship

WTH did I just read.

I hope she also holds her clear superiority over her partner, frequently and volubly.

I am glad it works for them, and hopefully leads to equitable division of labour, and (I assume this is the goal) happy children. I personally cannot imagine tracking so much of my life in this manner and would find it somewhat depressing, but parenting is tough, so whatever works I guess.

"In the weeks since my eldest child was born"... Do they mean their first baby?! Dear god. I can only surmise that this person is performing their reproductive function, not parenting, and does not experience joy.

All the mean spirited comments in this thread should remember that there are real human people being that they are insulting. Just relax a bit and let other people be! You don't have to participate in the 2 minute hate!

What fresh hell is this?

It’s fine, providing the spreadsheet also records all other domestic and family activities. Visiting in-laws, teachers evenings, driving to Guides, stacking dishwasher..,

This is so inefficient Why not implant chips in the kids then you can just log your hours with a simple swipe

The article is thoughtful and clearly explains the motivation for this (ensuring equal childcare division between both parents, and having some means to account for it, given otherwise we rely on memory and estimates, which are unreliable). The comments below are not it. Sorry @soumayakeynes.ft.com

Even when parenting was grim and hardwork it was still better than ex fckin cel. Some people 🙄

Who are these mentalists? We were too busy pouring unconditional love into our new overlords from hugs and affection through to the million routine acts of organisational servitude - and still are now they’re post teens - to be paying any attention to the economics/ergonomics/production costs.

Parental #CuntMaxxing.

I can see how some people might find this helpful. Psychologically it could help someone not feel guilty about asking for a night off, for instance. I think it just depends on your personal mindset!

This is actually a helpful method because a lot of well-meaning men, especially who grow up in traditional households, overestimate their labor & underestimate their partners’ contributions. Until recently, my husband had no idea how complicated scheduling summer camp was, or that it starts in Feb.

It’s clearly a joy.