Профиль

No one has ever looked cooler than this

the ideal academic life is being an eccentric Victorian lord. Invent a stamp licking machine at 22. Get elected to the Royal Academy for counting the beetles on your estate. Die in an arsenic explosion. The perfect life.

Them: “What’s your five-year plan?” Me: www.tiktok.com/t/ZTADysayx/

i balance snacking with exercise by placing a bowl of chips on the roomba and following it around the house

Nobody likes it when i post videos of smiling practice

the little moans coming from inside the trojan horse are from me bc i’m eating baked brie with fig jam

real art isn't in the cinema. it's not in books or libraries. it's definitely not in the TV. real art only exists on youtube channels with 3,000 followers where a guy who calls himself MicrowaveBen reviews tv dinners on a strange but internally consistent 7-point scale he calls the Flavornator

Inside you are two hubbas

the rats in front of my apartment are fighting for half an old chicken sandwich, but have virtually no chance against me

Kool-Aid Man bursting through wall: where's the goddamn amontillado, Montresor

Buzz Aldrin forgot a sixer of Coors on the moon and though Alan Bean and Pete Conrad of Apollo 12 claim they found only empties, Buzz contends they drank them on the way back, as he'd hoped to do. When Bean offered in 1970 to grab more at 7-11 Aldrin barked "I want MOON beer!" They never spoke again

"Some of us were born to take the fall..." "Yes, your honor, but..." "Yet the sum of us equals us all. Time served!" *bangs gavel*

i would prefer, for example, to be a falcon

Discovering new levels of LinkedIness

men only want one thing, and it's a world where time drifts slowly and music carries you away. to be set adrift by the timeless pleasures of tubular bells. to order Pure Moods, call the number on your screen, or send check or money order for the amount shown, plus shipping and handling.

Last year, Kizik and a patent holding company sued Skechers for design patent infringement. Last week, Skechers filed an petition for inter partes review (IPR2026-00444) against the patent, citing--among other things--ancient Roman footwear as prior art.

I know how to make oatmeal.

The entire point of professional bull riding is just to hang on as if that isn’t what we’re all doing all the time

To get casual fans caught up, the new Avengers movie should start with all the characters doing a rap where they say who they are and what their deal is

[me, just existing] well, this is embarrassing