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I couldn’t date a basket person. I’d unweave them, I can tell you that much.

The AMC Wicker popcorn bucket (probably)

[Elton John voice] BASKET MAN!

Wicker??? I hardly know her!

How am I supposed to go to my underwater basket-weaving course with a straight face after seeing that promo for WICKER????

Got myself some tearaway pants in preparation for explosive diarrhea

I can’t watch animals or Martha Plimptons get hurt on tv

Lindsey Graham is being buried today

2026 Halloween couple’s costume idea—one goes as cyclosporic bacteria; the other: explosive diarrhea.

Knock, knock. It’s orange! Aren’t you glad I didn’t say ‘banana,’ Lindsey? You died, by the way.

Mitch McConnell has agreed to Skype Gov. Beshear

“Reverse ratio” sounds sexy

Inside you are two hubbas

“I asked ChatGPT.” Ok, well, I asked my doctor if Tremfya was right for me and she said side effects include upper respiratory infections, nausea, headache, and injection site pain.

I’m slowing morphing into J Mascis as I age

Oh shit. My multitudes have breached containment.

Hung a little devotional placard over my cat’s bed called “paw prints in the litter box”

Watching the Odyssey the way Christopher Nolan intended: on the back wall in Plato’s Cave

I can tell my new med dose is working because I heard Annie Lennox’s “Into the West” today and didn’t immediately burst into ugly tears

New contamination just dropped