Профиль

In a perfect world, cigarettes would be chock full o' multivitamins

Thank you for your service 🫡

Fine, i'll go and save the world just gimme a goddamned minute

i’d make a great haughty princess. hmph! and so forth

"Don't be an idiot." ExCUSE ME! My entire existence revolves around, and is a result of, me being an idiot. How dare you.

This lil dude.

Might fuck around and go to Costco

I really miss the days when people debated whether it was a blue dress or a gold dress, or whether you heard Yanni or Laurel, or whether we should eat Tide Pods or not.

Foghat my ass. Goddamn fog hat won't stay on nobody's head, defeating the purpose of a goddamn hat. I'm tired of this shit.

It’s D&D night, so I’ll be slow to respond, but if you wanna know something nice that I think about you, let me know. Or just tell me something about you that I may not know!

For you, I'll be the bane of your existence in every lifetime

I just hope the stuffies my dogs destroyed died with no regrets

Well this wasn't what I thought it was. Color me disappointed.HOG

The secret to happiness is lowering your expectations. I expected nothing from today and I’m still disappointed—but hey, that’s progress.

i wish someone would check me into a doggie daycare

no one can explain what dolby vision is. no one knows if it can be played on a television or computer monitor. it's impossible to say whether you are experiencing dolby vision right now. it's a lot like the matrix in that way

*trying to plug in my laptop* me: I can’t find the power hole friend: please stop calling it that

With only two followers, this app is pretty similar to me just saying my random thoughts to my cats and them not caring.

me: are you sure you’re ok to have sex? i mean, you were just circumcised bf: yes im sure me: so you’re - bf: here we go me: positive ? bf: you’re supposed to say ‘cocksure’ . jesus christ how are you so bad at this

I built a time machine to ask Homer what he thought of Christopher Nolan's Odyssey adaptation and he just gave me an annoyed grunt