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“I will be in total control of my kids’ diet.”

Never have meals while watching TV. We have dinner with an episode of anime every night now and tbh I love it and it hasn't effected my son negatively at all. It's now just a lovely bonding routine we all enjoy as a family.

Took several years to realize how much nature trumps nurture.

My theory that has held up is this: If you spend time listening to your kids talk about their silly special interests when they're tiny (i.e. trains, cats, pretend cafes), they'll tell you more when they're teenagers. It works!

I didn’t realize how exhausting it was to just be responsible for your kid, especially somewhere that isn’t at home. The being mentally “on” for any length of time makes me way more tired than running or physical labor or anything.

I'll never let my kid have portable screen time!

All theories left the room with a huge vacuum sound when the ultrasound showed two.

The most important lesson in raising my son was you can't plan it. Every child is different, as they should be. Relax, don't overthink it. Healthy food, patience, love and the rest you'll figure out as you go. Mistakes will be made, guaranteed.

That I'd be the perfect parent and NOT make my parents mistakes. I read the books. I gathered advice. BTW, I am laughing as I type this. How the hell our son turned out to be a well adjusted, accomplished young man I certainly don't know.

"Have them close together. Get the infant/toddler stuff done at the same time." Each kid expands the effort to parent exponentially.

My kid once stole candy from me to give to her brother and i didn't know what to do about that.

I thought I’d have a lot more energy for playtime.

My kids pediatrician (who's great) just had a daughter of his own so I'm extremely curious to check in next year if he's changed some of the advice he'd been giving new parents

Not a fucking thing! Turns out I was right.

I think i was right about the big important stuff but maybe Blippi. I wanted to ban him. My kid was shown Blippi behind my back. I gave him a chance. I will say that some of the music (the old stuff by the guy w/ the voice) kinda goes. Blippi is now banned but he at least did unique content.

That super fresh organic food from the farmer’s market was the ONLY way to properly feed my kids. Some days you are lucky to get any food on the table because you’re tired or broke from paying endless bills.

parenting books are your enemy. i read several before my daughter was born and thought i knew everything about sleeping and eating. problem is, the advice is always for a very specific type of child, and because every child is different, the books led a lot of people astray

I remember, quite few years ago, my cousin & his wife discovering the (now mostly abandoned) notion of feeding newborns *every two hours* as essential for the infant’s wellbeing was a Bad Idea when they woke up their first baby because it was time for him to be fed. Screaming. For hours.

NO PICKY EATERS. MY CHILD WILL EAT EVERYTHING. LOLOLOLOL, I was soooooo wrong on that.

Nurture beats nature.

1. keep a plant alive 2. keep a cat alive 3. keep a dog alive Then I will be prepared for a baby. We have never kept plants alive, and didn't have a dog until our oldest was 16. **shrug**

Identical twins made me lean more to nurture on the margin.

Weirdly, I thought our daughter & son wouldn't get along because decades of tv has taught me that. They have always been great to each other at all ages & now as adults. We must've done something right.

i thought i knew how to parent

"There is nothing that they can do that I'm willing to yell about. " "We can limit screen time and eat veggies without a fuss from them"

Just get them to 18 years old without everything falling apart. Boy did that theory go to hell in a hand basket. 😅🙃

Turns out there is no one size fits all. What worked on the first kid was disastrous on the next and vice versa.

Healthy snacks. How foolish we were to doubt the humble goldfish

"Consequences are how you raise kids. They *always* work." Which, I admit, that particular kid was a very unusual case.

I sincerely thought my kids would listen and do everything I said. I thought people whose kids whined or disobeyed weren’t parenting the correct way. I was never more wrong in my life.

That I had any control.

Because I was older when I finally decided to have kids, I thought, at least, I'd be a wiser parent.

I definitely thought I'd know what I was doing by the time I had a kid.

I somehow thought I would have MORE time, and finally write a book. HAHAHAHAHAHAH

That if your kid wasn’t reading by kindergarten, they’re behind. As long as you’re reading to them, as long as they have a love of books, the literacy will come. Feel free to organically include phonics & letter recognition to your reading time but don’t worry if they don’t master it at 5 or 6.

I think the best part of this whole thread is that I've read at least 50 of these so far and I haven't yet come across a single "Huh? What are you talking about?"

You think so much of it is going to be telling your children who you want them to be. But it's almost entirely BEING the person you want your children to be, in front of them, consistently.

I thought allowing kids to play with toy guns was ridiculous and that I'd never do that. Our boys have a whole arsenal of Nerf guns. We couldn't fight that tide.

My wife and I were going to parents who didn’t yell…I bet you know how that turned out.

"I will NEVER yell at my kids."

Sorry to get real with it but it has to be said

If I expose them to many different sports, they’ll find one they love and compete in it. Nope.

I was afraid that motherhood would infringe upon my creative and intellectual life-- instead, becoming a parent has expanded those other aspects of my life. Children are fascinating! Also, way more fun than I expected.

Does it count if they survived first contact?

mine was "why are all yall cooking a seprate meal for your kids?"

“Just eat what’s put in front of you.” Our son was (1) a very picky eater and (2) allergic to peanuts and tree nuts. I tried to push him on trying things until my wife pointed out (1/2)

I believed that logic and reasoning could overcome any problems my daughter was causing. But a therapist giving a parenting workshop taught us: “Don’t buy tickets to the gun show”. In other words, don’t have a “fair fight amongst equals” with your toddler. Show them how things are going to work.

I mistakenly assumed my baby would happily sleep on his back in a crib in his own room. He never did that - not once.

I always prayed for my son to never know struggle, sorrow, or strife. He has made it to his 30s that way. It worked out as intended. Alas... he is empty, and has no sense of what life is really worth. Poor guy never had any excuse to grow up. 😢

"Two years apart is a good plan." Three years apart is much better

"What do you do if your kid tells you they're going to kill you" is not something any parenting book I read covered and tbh I'm still trying to figure out.

That boys & girls were the same. It was only nurture that made them different. Then built towers of wood bricks with my son (age 6 months). He gleefully knocked them down. So built towers of wood bricks with my daughter (age 6 months). She gleefully put another brick on top.

(one of many for me: I was very "who cares about screentime?" until my 2 year old wanted to watch baby unboxing videos all day. Didn't mind the videos, but my god when you took them away it was like taken cocaine from an 80s stockbroker, and she was otherwise very mellow and sweet)

My first kid was planned, my second was a complete accident. They are 11 months apart. I thought for sure they would be best friends, they would be close and have each other to lean on for life. These kids hate each other.

I was much more confident in nurture over nature regarding gender interests until I had two little girls who were all about playing house and tea parties while ignoring the balls in our big beautiful back yard. Then a boy would visit and push a cart full of toys down the stairs

Nature vs nurture. I (European, left of centre) was very sure it was almost all nurture. Hahaha.

Three neurodivergent kiddos so everything expected went right out the window. Then realized husband is ADHD and it made more sense. 🤣 I'm still trying to figure the youngest out. She's either going to be a CEO or a supervillain!

I don't know if I'd go so far as to call it a "theory of parenting" but I genuinely imagined myself with a clean and organized house. Seven years in, I feel good about myself on days when I've scraped all the visible squashed blueberries off the floor. Nobody is ever invited in to witness our shame.

You’re a better parent than you think you are. Each kid is different and you figure it out. I have three and I have to be a different parent to each one. Them being happy and safe is priority number one. Don’t care so much about grades, just make sure they’re doing the work. Be the inviting house.

None because my theory of parenting prior to being a parent was "zero thoughts only vibes" 😎😎😎😎

"Breastfeeding week be easy" Cue the most painful month of my life (until I found an expert for help)

"It'll get better when they are older, you'll see" No, the difficulty just moves to some other aspect.

I thought that I would know if I was doing a good job of it or not, but really I’m just trying not to fuck them up before they’re adults.

I thought the basic parenting methods were well-explored and would apply to my kids without too much angsting and searching for answers on my part. Oh well. (I still think that's true. Just with some big fat exceptions.)

I think, broadly, is misunderstanding that kids have personalities and behaviors much earlier than I expected. “As long as we keep veggies in their diet early on they will like veggies” not always! Kid 1 that worked, not for kid 2. Same for sleep routines.

lol oh wow where to even begin.

I was convinced paternity leave would be just watching movies while the kid slept. The reality was I couldn't wait to get back to work so I could get a break. The other isn't a theory, but I never knew I'd eat so many uneaten chicken nuggets that I'd actually be sick of them.

That my child would “never” act up in public and that I could somehow control them. My middle child changed all that. She could scream her lungs off at the most random thing and I would need to scoop her up and leave. Nothing strips confidence more than your kid throwing a tantrum. .

I refuse to be my father... That wasn't an easy theory. Under duress it went right out the window. Holy crap.

That if I gave my child sugar they’d instantly balloon. Turns out their metabolism is much faster than ours. A small treat a few times a week isn’t something to worry about.

None

"Everyone will eat the same thing for dinner"

I thought that the radical openness of my own upbringing was entirely the way to go. I didn’t know that it was just my parents dysfunction that allowed that, & my kids weren’t interested in the books they could barely reach, they wanted unboxing vids & broke something inside me

A child needs to be adjusted to a schedule for structure & stability. Yeah. Their own schedule! It's the parent that has to adjust & become flexible! I still have to do this & my daughter is 22!

One of my favorite genre of real life stories is parents of 1 kid who got lucky and had a really easy going child, went around telling other parents that parenting is easy if you do it right, then had a normal 2nd child that taught them humility. 🤣

Adjacent: I thought I was good at teaching kids to ride a bike after my first one learned so quickly. My second kid disproved that

“Good parenting makes good kids” Bullshit. “Easy kids make good (appearing) parents…. those parents will be insufferable” To see this, you need to know involved parents w/ multiple children & an appreciation of the fact that each kid is born w/ their own idiosyncrasies, obstinacies & desires.

I was sure that we were going to be one and done. Didn’t want to hear about siblings making life better for the kid Number two fell from the sky with no warning and is absolutely the best thing that ever happened to number one. I can admit I was wrong there (but oh my god I’m so tired all the time)

Also didn’t fully realize childcare would cost more than our mortgage

Food as been our biggest struggle. Then, on top of the pickiness, both of our young kids got diagnosed with Celiac disease last year. We try our best but damn some days are a win just to get any nutrition in them.

I gave parenting books too much credit. In particular I followed bad book advice about sleeping for our first child. I regret that. Parenting books are for the average child — where many approaches work equally well.

“They are going to eat what we eat”went out the window fast.

I live like a dog, in the moment, in many ways, and this was one of them. I didn't have any theories of parenting. Gonna sound like an addled hippie, but truly, I just treat& respect my children like complete, whole, individual people whom I love unconditionally & who are not extensions of myself.

I needed to be very dialed in at all times to be sure my kids would be all right. By kid three I learned that a certain amount of benign neglect and selectivity about which hills I chose to die on was much better for all of us.

I wouldn’t say theories as much as preconceived notions, but daycare is detrimental to a kid’s development. Now I’m probably the biggest daycare advocate there is.

Scrolled a bit, but didn’t see much on the impact of the 2020 lockdown, so I thought I’d mention it. Parenting before and after have looked very different to me. Kid is 16, petrified of the world. I’m curious if this is common? I did think I’d hug my kid more than my parents did.

The second kid being completely different and stuff that worked for one not working at all for the other changed me. All advice is every kid is different here are some things we tried. But elf on the shelf was my first big cave.

I thought that because I was spanked that was the right way to discipline. With all the research I did, and then seeing his tiny little face for the first time I knew that wasn't ever happening.

Cosleeping. Until you routinely wake up with a kids foot in your mouth ( or a toe shoved in your nostril-true story)

I was sure that if my kids argued with me about things, I'd just give them two choices I'm already okay with and let them pick from those two choices to give them a feeling of control over the situation. Easy. I failed to consider what to do when they say no to both choices.

i was the opposite re screen time. i thought i would keep it in check. but my first was an *extreme* morning person (he still is and he’s 27 now!). we taught him how to work the tv when he was like 3

That if all my kids were like me, it'd be easy. Turns out, I'm profoundly annoying, and 2 of my kids are just like me. You know what's more effective than therapy? Watching someone who's exactly like you make decisions you'd make. It drives me *insane*.

That children are rational within your frame of reference and make consequence / reward based choices in ways you can understand. Once they’re in school you no longer control the inputs, so the choices are often baffling even when they’re “rational”, which is pretty rare tbqh.

None. Like most people who never wanted children until after having them, I had no misconceptions about parenthood. It’s exactly what I feared. Somehow I love it, though.

I thought if we had normal and healthy conversations about sex, my child would also be normal about in. Instead, the only time he's flirted with belief in a divine creator is so he can tell them they did a bad job when it came to designing gross reproduction.

I was actually very fortunate that I got to learn something from dogs before kids beat it into me. The first dog I got as an adult, she was eager to please, brilliant, learned a whole bunch of tricks; I barely ever had to correct her about anything, and I was like, wow, I'm great at training dogs!

Only eight months in, but not having any particular expectations has served me pretty well so far. I felt like I wasn't given as much direction as I needed when I was growing up so that's in the back of my mind for later, but if she doesn't need it then we'll adapt.

Mostly I realized my parents shouldn't have had kids. No better way to realize your upbringing was dysfunctional! Best advice I got was from my ukulele teacher to just treat them like people, not "kids". And a palliative care nurse told me to remember we're mammals.

Strangely enough, I didn’t know I avoided any theories. I just went with what seemed like it worked. I think lots of other parents of young kids would be well served by just going with it. They want Cheez-Its for dinner fine

i realized parenting specifics matter very little. Just Be present. Love them. Be interested in them. Make yourself available. The rest is who they already were from the moment they were born.

"Let's have them at least three years apart so they won't be so competitive with each other"

If you wait them out, they'll eventually eat at the table.

This could apply beyond parenting, but a big one is: "Love is all you need."

Not a theory of parenting, but I thought I was a patient person by nature. NOPE.

"I will unconditionally love my child the instant they are born." I felt a lot of responsibility and awe, but not love. Worried something was wrong with me for a while. Now, I absolutely adore my kids and my love for them grows in surprising ways every few months. Just took time!

“My kids will eat more than chicken nuggets, you just have to tell them to do it” I was completely wrong on this one… and it was my 4th one at that 😂

"I was an absolute disaster of a teenager, and we'll need to buckle up realgoodnow, because it's going to be *hell*, and I'll finally get to be friends with my kids again at age 22 or so!" ... and then ended up with two kids who are the absolute sweetest, even up to ages 18 and 28. YMMV, natch

I used to think kids learned flexibility from their parents -- so if you're not a structured person, that's fine, raise your kids to be the same! Joke's on me. They love schedule and stability.

I had a conversation with another childless friend a few weeks before my first was born. A lot about “you just bring your kid along, you can still do things, you don’t have to change everything”

“I will train their palates to love cool adult foods”

Less a theory, but I was aghast at my parents having had me in the 70s when the were 40 (I was number 6….meanwhile I had number 1 at 45

One aspect I hadn’t really considered but became so clear in the months and years after my mother in law said it. “Welcome to parenting. The most competitive sport there is”

I've got a son on the autism spectrum, so all of my learnings have to do with special needs - it's not on or off, there's a whole range of capability in between. The best, and most important, thing for him and us was the doc telling us "sign him up for Cub Scouts" (he made Eagle).

There is one theory and one theory only youtu.be/vJtf7R_oVaw?...

38 Special - Hold On Loosely (Live) (Official Music Video)YouTube video by 38SpecialVEVOyoutu.be

I gave up “my baby won’t ever use a pacifier!” before we even left the hospital.

"daycare illness is real for kids but parents can probably avoid it if they just wash their hands properly" Cut to my daughter lovingly jamming both her hands into my mouth and sneezing directly into my face.

I thought there would be more mixing of my traits and my husband but they came out to be my mini- me and his mini-me, no matter how much we tried to nurture a better middle ground.

Breast is best, that I’d be great at it from the gate, local public non-charter schools (she has done public schools, but not always so local and sometimes charter).

I have excellent parents and thought I could simply apply the same model of parenting that worked for me. It turns out that in some specific and relevant ways, I am not my parents and my kid is not me! Imagine that!

“We won’t change our lives for kids. They will fit into ours.”

"If he is challenged in school, he won't get bored, and will be able to concentrate." No, baby, he can't concentrate because he has adhd. Putting on pressure will make it worse. (Your kid may be different.)

This is less a theory of parenting but I find it shocking how prevalent it is for people to say things like “better look out when she’s older, she’ll have the boys fighting over her” Gee thanks for sexualizing my 4 year old you fucking creep

My wife and I always said before we had kids, "We're not short order cooks, they'll eat what we eat."

As a guitar teacher I never pushed hard on the kids to practice. Aware of how many activities they already had on their plate, I just wanted them to play from love of the guitar as I did. Now I have a kid and she’s taking piano lessons and I’m like “you have to do your piano homework!“ 🤣

Best advice I got that cured me of this: “Never take parenting advice from anyone with fewer than two children”. The implication is those with no kids imagine they know that it’s like. Those with one kid think they’ve unlocked parenting and every win they had transfers to other kids.

I was SURE that if I was doing okay it would LOOK okay to other people. Completely unprepared, for instance, for the lady screaming at me for letting my toddler sip WATER from a Coke-branded paper cup because the cute 2-handled sippy cup full of WATER got tossed from stroller to gross gutter.

“Those parents yelling at their kids in the store simply don’t know how to treat them with rational respect. The children will respond positively to kind, reasoned explanations.” Also “Consequences worked to correct my behavior as a kid, they will certainly work on my child — AuDHD what?”

That I wouldn't be (privately even) judgmental of how others parented their kids

Mine was, I don't know jack shit about parenting, therefore had to pick it up as I went along

Dysfunctional childhood kid here, none. My mother suggested I smoke during pregnancy so I "would have a small baby," and was convinced that breastfeeding wasn't enough food and so a little bit of cereal (even at a few weeks) would "do wonders" for a crying baby.