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Nothing quite like a punchline to end a great joke

unknown album by unknown artist is definitely in my top ten

They should invent a rabbit that doesn't appear to you in your dreams the following night with a terrifying prophecy from the chaos dimension

I've just received word if anyone needs some extra word

What do l care if there are mice in my walls, I’m never in there

Water coolers dispense water very slowly. But if you push the water cooler over you can make lots of water come out all at once. Follow me for more workplace tips that will get you sent to HR for the third time this week

I'm becoming obsessed with breaking into cars and seeing if they left any little treats

You can microwave anything even a microwave

When I said I was a bad tennis player I meant evil

Dipping an entire loaf of bread into a bowl of soup until 100% of the soup has been absorbed then eating the sopping wet loaf over the sink

I’m doing the best I can, and also the worst I can get away with

some days I'm all [sound of a fluffy cloud violently smashing into a mountain] other days I'm [sound of crocodiles gently eating a mitten]

No matter what’s going on in your life there is a form of potato that will make it better

A new software update is available! Bug fixes: Computer now makes incredibly loud kookaburra noises in the middle of the night > Update now / Remind me later

Lunch today is a health orb

i like the term horsepower. i believe horses can do anything

You can always tell which of your coworkers have never lived secretly in a crawlspace for 7 years

I'm in a weird place right now (my neighbor's grain silo)

like and share if you have ever seen a bug

You should be able to order a firefly to your home. The delivery guy should arrive at your door with cupped hands and gently release it into your living room. And the two of you should stand there and watch it together with silent reverence