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[Me trying to one-up Olivia Coleman] Oh him? He’s my husband… Rattan Man

I have this cool new side hustle where I exchange hours of my life for fulfillment.

Doing an emergency load of laundry so I have clean underwear to wear to work tomorrow. AMA

My kids are learning so much from running a lemonade stand, like how ice cream is only for closers.

Just snorted a huge line of birdseed in case anyone’s looking for their birdseed

one like one answer

"If you block me it means I've won" oh right well congratulations then

Ai could never do it like me. My disposition is dark but flecked with dappled sunlight, my flesh is too wretched, my nails too broken on cavern walls. It could try to be something as mortifying and earnest but it would fail.

onf: something (or someone) that's so proportionately both on and off that it can't be either or neither

(Dumping a big box of googly eyes onto the pizza before shoving it into the oven) My grandmother brought this recipe over from the old country

When a remote majesty and the potential for new discovery and danger see you as an adventure, don't just quit your job. Get itchy. Make people lost and call me. I'm a wheeler dealer sayin scat instead of shit

Cop: any illegal drugs on you? Me: what state am i in?

the energy I bring to Bluesky

Alt: Joe Versus the Volcano (1990) - I have no response to thatstatic.klipy.com

Making time to buy grapes and also eat them.

first date idea: i start filing my nails if i like you

The energy I bring to Bluesky

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Gonna start commenting on my own posts "let her cook"

Heh! I kinda enjoy the moment of confusion when you first get into bed and can’t identify what you’ve forgotten but you KNOW it’s something. It’s your glasses, dummy. You have to take them off. For all the sleeping.

James Carville has returned to his true form: a bayou crocodile animated by Don Bluth

What the fuck is real even? -Snagglepuss