Профиль

I stopped playing the ‘dead pool’ game after my so called friends started putting me at the top of their lists.

The B-52s: Where should we plan to play in Italy? Manager: Rome, if you want to.

Eddie borrowed his cousin Junior’s IROC-Z so he could go see his buddy Kevin play drums for a 38 Special cover band downtown tonight at the Elks Lodge and he says you can come too if you kick in five bucks for gas.

him: my penis is like a Russian Matryoshka doll her: an unusual shape but full of surprises? him: no, it gets smaller and smaller the more you play with it her: umm, you've never sexted with a real person before, have you…

The 5 stages of Man: 1) drink from boobs 2) stare at boobs 3) play with boobs 4) grow your own boobs 5) what are boobs?

whenever I play golf I like to shout “four!” to remind everyone how many multifamily housing complexes could be built on each hole

This day in history. 2010. World Hepatitis Day. A day to raise awareness and encourage prevention and treatment of Hepatitis A, B, C, D, E, and I think coming soon to a friend or family member near you, thanks to the efforts of the current US administration, F and G.

I used to be a fuck it follow kinda guy, then it was more like fuck it, send. Now it's just fuck it.

Terrifying if literal: dream job

[Being stabbed to death] Your hands don't even hurt do they? That's why I splurged on the good knives. You could do this all night and........

I write amazing skeets on gas station bathroom stalls

Sorry I thought your dick pic was a common stinkhorn mushroom.

🎵 A week away, a week away, a week away, a week away. A week away, a week away, a week away....🎵

Obliterating the dating scene by dating again

I bet it feels exhilarating to be taken out by an asteroid.

I'm going to braid my lower lashes into mascara stained teardrops to filter out the normies.

Bluesky? More like Goodluckgettingthefeedyouwanttoopensky

Jean Michel Jarre is in concert, wonder who opened for him.

“i’m still punk” i whisper to myself as i turn on the captions so i can hear my tv

My blood type is now Sprinkles