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Perfect.

DAMN

I’ll watch it with my girlfriend on Sunday ;)

I think if I described Epstein's upcoming to a crazy uncle, he would tell me "right, he was in the deep state" so you basically made a 100% accurate documentary.

“For the next ten years he gets to be a pedophile philanthropically but he gets arrested. Again! Judge orders him to go to jail and forbids him from killing himself.”

Fantastic

1 year in an underage penitentiary for Penis Goofin

The "F*** them kids" Jordan meme takes a new facet.

This was the exact moment when I completely lost it in the theater

It all makes sense now: Epstein slam-dunked Trump so hard on the basketball court back in the day that Trump's been ducking his name ever since.

Now I need to hear the Dersh’s “Risky Pimpin’l

We need to talk about this frame.

The credits absolutely ended me lmao wall to wall bangers

This is hilarious. Genius, really. Expertly executed, and handled.

The Onion should get the Pulitzer for that. Holy gales of unbridled cackling. Bravo!

Husband overhearing the intro: what is that, was it written by Perd Hapley 🤣🤣🤣

Sequel better be happening.

This is entirely wonderful

just watched the first 30 seconds and i realized it's too funny to watch on my phone

Omg how dare you slander Betty White. Otherwise fucking hilarious 😂

Amazing. No notes. Please do more things like this.

Just bought a ticket!

@homunculusdick.bsky.social you’re chronically online so you probably already saw but heads up.

>Father Dominic ... pedophile expert I'm cryin already & it just started 👍🤣

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 The academy goes to....

poor Mr Met catching a stray

Sex House is better, but Bad Pedophile is pretty great.

You realize this borders on genius, right? Ok, maybe not borderline. 😜

This was fucking deranged, it's a masterpiece

I can't express enough how brilliant this is.

/kneels

whoever came up with “penis goofin’” deserves a bonus

absolute cinema, allegedly

Yesssss this is my new fave Halloween movie

This is also somehow more plausible than what we're actually hearing.

a man is looking at his phone with a caption that says of all the timelines , this is clearly the darkestAlt: "Of all the timelines , this is clearly the darkest, which is why I propose we commit to being evil"media.tenor.com

that was great!

Is Mr. Met on the list?

🏆and the award goes to The Onion

I laughed aloud at Microsoft’s Secret

“jizz colorist”

Very hard to watch as a mother whose 14 year old daughter got raped by a pedo for over a year. Go get them.

Got me laughing like a dumbass at some parts. Pure art

It’s brilliant. Just brilliant.

Fully expecting the announcement of your Nobel tomorrow. Congrats!🎉

😭

Видео

Don’t skip the credits!

"The Jeffrey Epstein? The New York financier?"

an older man wearing headphones is sitting in front of a microphone .ALT: an older man wearing headphones is sitting in front of a microphone .media.tenor.com

📌 Comedy

🧐

10/10 The only thing that might - and then just maybe - have made it better is Bill Kurtis narrating.

Extraordinary

What would a GOOD pedophile be like?

Amazing

i fully expect by the end of next week Babylon Bee clapping back with "Jeffery Epstein: Good Pedophile"

Holy shit

Brilliant satire

Fabulous!!

Amazing!

Idk that one rant about the razor with 5 blades has lingered in memory But I’ll grudgingly check it out

I don't appreciate the implication that Mr. Met went to the Island for anything weird! Mr. Met goes to where sad children are and cheers them up while reminding them to cheer in the New York Metropolitans! No diddling LET'S GO METS

Is THIS the thing you were so excited about a few weeks ago but couldn't talk about?

BRILLIANT!!!!!

Very well put-together

📌

📌

“How was a rich powerful white man able to get away with something like this”😂😂

I did as God intended and watched it on my TV so I could truly appreciate it. So funny!

Amazing.

I believe I know what and who this is meant to incite (and it isn't Don), and the hope of what that incitement will bring.

THIS, Is the funniest thing you've ever done... theonion.com/why-do-all-t...

Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?Look, I’m not a hateful person or anything–I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I’ve been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, ...theonion.com

I dont think I've watched enough Netflix docs to get all the references but not bad

RUTHLESS SATIRE is a sharp tool in the battle against Fascism. @TheOnion #EpsteinAgonistes

Is... is this what having a stroke(*) feels like? (*) not that sort - behave!

allegedly

It’s brilliant!! ⭐️🤣

Is this film eligible for Academy Award consideration?

So are we gonna get a film about a chainsaw-wielding pedophile undead?

I’m glad you did it, I’m sure folks will find it cathartic, but I don’t think what Trump’s powerful friends do to vulnerable people is at all funny. Good comms, callous times.

Who is John Gault?

I got an ICE ad before it played, perfect, no notes

100/10

It's great but it's no Guzmer

This needs to be on the big screen, not my phone.

a man with his mouth open in a crowd of people with the year 2016 on the bottom rightALT: a man with his mouth open in a crowd of people with the year 2016 on the bottom rightmedia.tenor.com

Truly. Epic.

Having a priest as the “pedophile expert” is 🧑‍🍳💋

The Human Trafficking endorsement broke me more than it should have.

you couldn't just parody one kind of documentary, you had to parody all of them. i feel seen

I just know people are going to fail at recognising this as satire.

I certainly learned a lot of things that the Mainstream Media and the Government would never tell you. 😁

Allegedly outlandish! This was well done.

This is gloriously, transcendentally stupid. Excellent work.

you pulled some punches but it was definitely entertaining

You guys are pretty good at this comedy stuff

Excellent! As always.. the Onion never fails to satisfy..

😜

Priceless!

a man in a tuxedo stands in front of a microphone and says and the oscar goes toALT: a man in a tuxedo stands in front of a microphone and says and the oscar goes tomedia.tenor.com

Bless you all.

YOU HAVE EXCELLED ALL EXPECTATIONS THIS IS A MASTERPIECE ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Died peacefully in his own noose…

To be watched in conjunction with great interview between @mollyjongfast.bsky.social and @bencollins.bsky.social. open.spotify.com/episode/4eLf...

Sam Seder & Ben Collinsopen.spotify.com

🫡

Watching train wreck VA Gubernatorial debate rn. Will catch up later.

This was the funniest, ballsiest piece I've ever seen.

were you able to screen this daily for a week in NYC or LA?

Finally! Australia will enjoy this 😎

So fuckin good. The sports tie-in was 🙌

Outstanding

This is too funny. 🍊 🤡 criminal is really gonna hate this! Good thing he’s already at Walter Reed, they can address his meltdown immediately! 🤣🤣🤣

"Died peacefully in his own noose..." 🤣

incredible stuff here mr onion

Ok but the vfx intensive masterpiece of future history about the end of the world was unbeatable. I watch that one every couple of months and still catch new stuff.

My newspaper dues couldn't have gone to a better project thank you so much Mr Onion we love you

I feel like the whole basketball schtick was a major distraction. But I also suspect it’s referring to something I’m unaware of and therefore over my head.

I love you and the Onion… but can’t do it… maybe in a few days

Really not funny dudes.

I will allow this to be true because you weren't involved in sex house. Still the 2nd funniest thing from the onion isn't bad.

Why are you guys covering up Epstein's poor shooting from long range and his poor low post defense?

A review -> Outstanding level onion! Exquisite satire. Artfully hiding the victim in shadow & spotlighting the criminal, to ridicule. I recommend pairing this bold pen power with shiraz red & pizza. With an elegant twist. It wasn't the friends we met along the way, its the survivors have the list ;)

This has now beaten the “Booty Wave”Today Now segment as the best thing on the Onion’s youtube page IMO

“A total sausage fest.” - The Onion

Thanks for sharing!

Gonna get blasters on gummies and watch this. Thanks Tim

Worth 20+ minutes of your time. RELEASE THE EPSTEIN FILES!!

Dropping everything right now

Truly it was the last dance for us all, to be molested

Epstein, Epstein, Epstein, Epstein, Epstein, Epstein, Epstein, Epstein, Epstein, Epstein, Epstein, Epstein, Epstein, Epstein, Epstein, Epstein, Epstein, Epstein, Epstein, Epstein, Epstein

Incredible.

Lord help me, you and YouTube making money off of me today. 😭💔

It was perfect.

Thank you for this gift

Within like 45 seconds I knew this was the funniest thing I would ever see

Good to see Jerry Sandusky still getting work.

The credits rival, if not best, Monty

Allegedly the funniest alleged jokes. Allegedly on YouTube.

It must be really popular. It's buffering on me.😜

Why am I getting ads for private jets while watching it?

I didnt know he had a chainsaw What a cool guy

Bravo! 👏👏👏👏👏👏

This was a joy on the big screen last week although I didnt realize I'd leave with so many new quesstions...

Just saw this yesterday (with Sex House) in Oakland. Truly demented and amazing!

"Disturbingwy bwilliant!" - Wex Weed

At first I was like "aw this seems a little short" but after 10 min and being in pain from continously laughing so hard I was like "nah if this was any longer it might actually kill someone"

1 minute in I’m in😂🙌

I had to shut it off. Brutal

the credits are very good

Put it in the Lourve

"It Looks Like The Onion Got Epstein Alllll Figured Out" - Larry Bird to Magic Johnson

Gotta get it on Letterboxd

certainly an Oscar nomination in the future 📽️😺

a young man is making a funny face with his eyes closed in front of a picture .ALT: a young man is making a funny face with his eyes closed in front of a picture .media.tenor.com

This is the best documentary about Starbucks I have ever seen. It is so important that it has not one, but two Assistant Ejaculators. Critically, no adults were harmed in the making of it. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ except they're arranged vertically ooh, that reminds me, I have to buy a wine bottle opener thingy

Please try and do an Oscars campaign please please please

Very weird and funny. I particularly liked the "alleged" Blanche interview with Maxwell on tape... Blanche: So how long have you been in prison? Maxwell: Five years. Blanche: Five years...wow!

This is beautiful and wonderful and I'm a little afraid to share it with anyone

This is great (and be sure to watch the credits)!

That was so fucking stupid, thank you very much

I think an Emmy for best supporting actor would look nice on the mantle in the oval office.

🤣👏👏👏👏

Penis Goofin is a crime now? Wooooow

A complete molestation of justice!

VERY cool...! Excellent mix, of TRUTH and jest!!! I even felt guilty chuckling several times!

PENIS GOOFIN’ all the way

I wasn’t truly prepared and I was caught off guard and I enjoyed every minute of it. A nice break from the grim insanity that awaits us every moment. I have a feeling it will age very well! Been a while since I had a good giggle and a chuckle, and I had several!

😭😭😭

Penis Goofin' ruined my life

Holy shit! All of the awards!!!!

It'll be hard to beat Sex House

This is how I imagine JB Pritzker looked fresh out of the womb

Na! It'll never top Franz Kafka International Airport.

You did it. You made the American version of Paedogeddon (complimentary).

You missed including this one

O wanna see this film

📌

Yes this is hilarious. Because the cover up over Trump/Epstein is such a ludicrous thing that even right wingers roll their eyes so the Onion made this...

All four of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?! Genghis Khan? And Abe Lincoln?