Профиль

my sex appeal never helps. the answer is still no

Me: She plays hard to get. Him: Dude, she’s in prison. Me: Very hard to get.

only Donkey instead of dinkleberg

💀

Good moats make good neighbours.

my other left?

👀

dante's 3rd circle of hell: just a bunch of 'ackshually' guys referring to hamburgers as sandwiches

I stopped playing the ‘dead pool’ game after my so called friends started putting me at the top of their lists.

KOBE

Eddie borrowed his cousin Junior’s IROC-Z so he could go see his buddy Kevin play drums for a 38 Special cover band downtown tonight at the Elks Lodge and he says you can come too if you kick in five bucks for gas.

This day in history. 2010. World Hepatitis Day. A day to raise awareness and encourage prevention and treatment of Hepatitis A, B, C, D, E, and I think coming soon to a friend or family member near you, thanks to the efforts of the current US administration, F and G.

[babysitting] Nephew: Can we listen to music? Me: OK, but not very loud. Nephew: Why, does it hurt your old ears? Me: Hey look at that, it’s your bedtime.

braggart

I used to be a fuck it follow kinda guy, then it was more like fuck it, send. Now it's just fuck it.

I just realized “adult” means “toward the end” and died a little

This day in history. 1944. The Communist Party USA was re-established. I can't find a connection of any kind between the Communist Party and the Democratic Party. I think the Republicans may be lying to us.

I love chicken pot pie, but not necessarily in that order.

In the car park, are they allowed off the leash?