Профиль

I met a girl who washed her dildos in the dishwasher and got benwa balls stuck inside her. This was in the first 5 minutes of meeting her.

I’d be the sluttiest one in the old age home.

Like, why the fuck...ever

August is a month of mockery. January’s mean friend pointing out unfulfilled goals and this year’s failures. I mean, I love summer.

People who wear plaid pants need to keep their asses in check

My years-long streak of never entering the password correctly on the first try continues

I love playing the bluesky guessing game of: “is this unhinged behavior due to pot, alcohol, or mental illness?”

I wonder if streaming services can tell what kind of mental illness you have based on your watch history/viewing habits.

*sashays across the mosh pit with a tray of peanut butter cookies and chocolate milk samples*

I love you you have ruined me for all others (stranger’s dog licking my face)

Double secret obliteration.

posting for the fifth time in a row is this what it feels like to be a workaholic

As long as women continue to fake their orgasms, the patriarchy will never die.

Ovulating so hard that I’m giving a guy with a J name a chance

I may not be the best thing happening to you, but I can definitely the most ridiculous

Is struggling to understand why one would want to exercise their demons..wouldn't they be easier to out-run if they were fat and out of shape?

What idiot called it a reply guy meltdown and not a bitter skeet symphony

Just the Tip is for amateurs. Try playing Just the Base next time.

I put the hot in psychotic