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Her: "My skin is so dry." Me: If you get naked, I would be happy to apply some lotion. Her: "I'm talking about my arms." Me: so we're on the same page here? 🤔

We had some neighbours over yesterday so, that should fulfill our extrovert activities for the next six months.

My husband not doing things the way I planned it out in my brain even though I really didn’t communicate that to him is inherently his fault

We've been saving the 'he's gone' celebratory champagne for so long that we decided to have it last night to drown our 'he's still not gone' sorrows instead. We can always buy another bottle for the happy day.

That time my boss said good morning to me knowing full well that it was unlikely.

We need a locksmith, but for unjammimg the junk drawer.

Generational wealth, but it’s just an endless supply of Lego

I only did the laundry, cleaned the bathroom, did the dishes, washed the floors and tidied up the house while she was out today. I have failed. 😕

Take my hand. #Photography

And just having a salad would be ridiculous.

Standing by the thousand degree outdoor grill in the hot sun, because it's too hot to cook inside today.

Wanted to make cornbread but it’s too hot for the oven. Planned on using the air fryer but my eyes landed on the waffle maker as I was getting the recipe out and I have accidentally created the best cornbread I’ve ever had

Dreamt I wrote an album with Olivia Rodrigo called “The Fabric of Our Intentions” and then we had to make a PowerPoint presentation out of acrylic paint, as one does to promote music

“…with traffic deaths climbing …the province didn’t build a portal for people to report dangerous intersections or reckless driving. It built one for bike lanes.” 🤨 #yycbike #yegbike

It's so hot and humid that I have switched to boxer shorts underwear.. for reasons.

Points deducted for the seat or the floor

Me: It’s sweet how my cat sits on my chest to comfort me when I’m sick in bed. Cat: I think I’ll eat the eyes first.

The everlasting headache after expressing how you feel in a conversation.

Apparrently it is, but reluctantly. theonion.com/websters-rel...