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going to the apple store to ask why someone took a bite out of their logo and how to replace it

🫵😳 F♯A♯∞

no game should allow you to craft things . it is against god

scientists have created a new time zone called Girl Time

oh you’re “going gray?” you are dead to me. go back to your freaking mothership you bug eyed alien fuck

theyre etching these onto golden disks and sending them into space

thanks google what a dip shit

[plays in background as we make out]

naming my child 300 after the movie

turns out “colorblind gay who gets defensive over bad color coordination” is a type of person that actually exists lol

ohhh i get it it's my fate to suffer😃

When are you gonna stop hanging with the shrimps and come eat lobster with a monster

pulling my tits out at the beach and firing indiscriminately

NOW is the time to invest in nuts and berries

let's make a bunch of obelisks. it will feel sooooo good to make a bunch of obelisks

I’m sorry I said your wife looked “sturdy.” I stand by what I said but I understand how you may have interpreted things differently than how I meant them.

referring to unseasoned food as “anglo-saxon style”

on a street corner at 8pm holding a big sign that says “bedtime is near”