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thirty MILLION dollars

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i gotta quite drinking and shopping online

What if they opened it up and a great big giant horse cock popped out?

It would've been so funny if the Trojans opened up the horse and the Greek guys were all just suckin and fuckin each other in there

My guy, look up Carmel, Indiana. Roundabouts work.

Any of you using the ios version of Patreon to support me, switch to the browser version instead, cuz the apple fees have actually taken over 3000 usd from me in the course of a year

What is the point of the United States Senate?

(bon jovi voice) mom's pied-a-terre and you're to blame

and the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a pied-a-terres is a good guy with a pied-a-terres

you: worried about your mom's pied-a-terre me: focused on your mom's derrière

it's like the stevia coke of music for spiritual diabetics

Jesus: "Be nice to everyone." People: "Got it, write songs for you." Jesus: "No, like ... just be nice to people." People: "Big building, Sundays, got it." Jesus: "No. No. Just ... be nice to people. Everyone." People: "ICE at Home Depot, say no more." Jesus: "...how" People: "We got you a Glock!"