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I really love this monster, you know?

I think Thoreau said it best: fuck, man, it’s hot outside

this can’t be comfortable

tonight we’re watching Manimal Wears Prada 2 or something I didn’t totally listen to the whole thing

nunchucks? fuck that, gimme allchucks

this fuckin guy

ME (to the sun): why are you bothering me

bro, bro, you have to get something on the plate, but bro, you can’t serve that to the judges, bro

ok FINE, my training has gone completely stale. FINE. But I could still play, like, an old guy or something.

ok, ok, that’s a fair point. I was trained an awfully long time ago and again, not well. but still. BUT STILL

actually, I *wish* I was one of the dipshits. I’m a classically trained Shakespearean actor. poorly trained but still I’d do my best. which would be not that good but still

I wish I was in a semi-outdoor theater and a bunch of dipshits were about to do Shakespeare right now. Even if I was one of the dipshits.

dear people who pull all the way over to the left to turn right: Believe in yourself. just fucking turn right

I can’t wait for nuclear winter, sorry, winter, regular winter, I just love the chilly weather, can’t wait

FYI: I love my dog a lot, and it is reciprocated in a very flimsy way

ok, fine, I’ll watch it, just tell me who is the cousin oliver of the odyssey

in my defense, there was no way for me to predict the thing I predicted and, again, warned you about several times

you're right, boss, I'm sorry that a thing happened after I warned you about it several times. sorry, boss.

whisk ini one half cup of GOD DAMN FISH MILK