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Princess is organizing her toys like it's war in her little kitchen. I don't know what the monkey did but Pink Haired Doll, Rainbow Brite, and Grover are pissed. Oh damn, Shortcake got involved.

So. I’m fat? Is that what you’re sayin? 😂

😂😂

Hahaha thanks!!

The pit of despair but it’s just my abnormally deep inny bellybutton.

Why do we focus on the Disney Princesses when we should be focusing on the Disney Queens?

I did indeed

I don’t want to fix you or make you better…I just want to give you an orgasm.

Thanksgiving is coming.

Making you laugh across a thousand lifetimes.

I’m at that age now where when I walk around naked my balls sway so much it actually starts turning me on.

This cake tastes like ass.

I wanted to post a joke about tripe, but I don't have the stomach for it.

hmmm wonder what that rake is doing out in the middle of the sidewalk, chat should i step on it y or n

all anyone really wants is a significant otter

I’ve reached the age where “getting lucky” means finding the remote control between the couch cushions without touching a dried-out Froot Loop.

I told my dog a secret. He told the squirrel. Now the whole block knows I sing “It’s a Small World” in nine languages while in the shower.

Emotionally I'm in a Kohl's singing Jon Secada at the top of my lungs

i hope this email finds your butthole

You’re fucking dead to me. Warmest Regards, Kim