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I can't believe someone at Toyota actually approved the name "Highlander" for a car knowing full well that it would limit their production capacity to "only one."

Trifle's are just super-sized parfaits

Dayummm that's a big boiiiii

Idk I keep mine on deck

I always called them round-a-bouts like an idiot until I visited Massachusetts the first time.

I'm frankly surprised that enough people know what a rotary is to warrant the club.

As far as "dad eras" go, I'm in my "Disney's Cars era." There have been much worse eras.

I'm pretty fed up with beans not being magic

Coffee is like a warm hug in the face first thing in the morning

they should invent a recliner that catapults you into bed when you fall asleep

Had a fart so loud and big today that it blew the sweat off my butthole. I call it a wind wind situation.

"Hey Mr coffee👋 What can I help you brew today?"

I swear that one day very soon I will come downstairs in the morning only to see an AI chat prompt floating ominously in the center of my kitchen.

Dirty deeds just aren't as cheap as they used to be.

What people don't realize about grilling is that it's only 0.01% cooking skill. The other 99.99% is just 90% washing your hands and 0.99% stressing about burning everything.

It's just too easy to laugh at ChatGPT. The jokes write themselves.

Being able to stream music to my ecobee thermostat is just the chef's kiss of features no one asked for.

What's up with that one pair of socks that lasts ten years longer than the rest of the pack and why don't they make them all like that?

nobody: infants: *the shrillest most ear-piercing cry you've ever heard for 0.5s* *comatose level sleep*

Ok, Canada Dry is great and all. But where can I try Canada Wet?