Профиль

Skyr is my jam. Ever since getting the authentic stuff in Iceland, I've been hooked.

Every raisin in the trail mix knows it wasn't the first choice

Bread goes into the toaster with the confidence of someone who's been lied to before

My oven mitt has protected hands that repeatedly ignored basic survival instincts

I vacuumed my house today and immediately walked around like I had restored civilization

Agree 💯

Dieter vould like a vord viss you.

Whose?

A pancake is a waffle that failed the engineering inspection and lost its structural integrity

Filled up my gas tank today. Feeling like a feudal lord looking down upon my gasless subjects

My favorite squirrel is back at his legal shenanigans again youtube.com/shorts/J6Ozx...

A mozzarella stick is cheese applying for a legal name change and hoping nobody checks the old records

shit storms imply the existence of poop tornadoes

I always go up to them and ask "are you a good mushroom, or a bad mushroom?"

I put my frying pan in timeout for spitting at me, and the little bastard got more defiant and left a giant mark on the floor

Ah, yes. Clueless Thunderchickens.

Imagine if I had the reflexes and paranoia of a cat