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might i suggest

the two self-written spotify bios: “established way back in 2023, SKIBIDI DRIVE have been credited for inventing music. touring with contemporaries like BILLY CORGAN’s roadie and EFFERVESCENT, both crowds and critics believe they are the best humanity has to offer.” and “rock bamd from cali (:”

Hey, look at you exhibiting empathy. Much props to your therapist

corrugated brian

My run-on skeets? That's how I talk. Now imagine being my psychologist where I fire of between 10-20 of those posts in a 45min appointment and trying to Hansel & Gretel your way 15min back when I mentioned being sexually attracted to Pepe the Prawn from the Muppets

I wish all passive aggressive people a 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺.

Struck by lightning once, shame on me. Struck by lightning TWICE? Naw, I'm not goin' to the pool while it storms!

the mouth is the cloaca of the soul

Doc says everything looks fine, but I should come back in two years and pay out-of-pocket again to redo the procedure I probably don't need

there’s something about this holographic map I just can’t put my finger on it

it’s fun to think of my body as a mario party board and every time it does something unexpected to fuck me it’s like “oops i landed on a bowser space haha”. there are only bowser spaces

Is it too late for me to pretend I'm mysterious?

true internet frog fans know there's often a second joke in the first reply

does anyone remember the funny post I thought of while falling asleep???

sure you made a joke about your experiences but what if someone else is going through that too?? not so funny now is it. i am very smart

are there any other kinds

Breakfast cereal is for babies – I eat salad in the morning, like a grownup. A weird, joyless grownup.

the sign said free hugs but the hug price must be paid

Unfortunately, vagina is Latin for "sword sheath", if you were interested in whether historical anatomists were horny perverts. It's the birth canal from which all life springs, but sure, call it "the place where my dick go"