Профиль

GOOD LUCK in combat, sire

collect HOLY RELICS to acquire COMBAT BONUSES

most scientists agree that the jungle is a location of adventure and mystery

rescuing the descartes dolly from the ocean floor

me (definitely not an evil witch): i need some babies, small ones. i'm going to show them pictures of spiders. no, it's for science you can't even eat fear lol i don't think

CYPHER: "You know, I know this asparagus doesn't exist. I know when I put it in my mouth the Matrix is telling my brain that it is sweet and delicious. I don’t want to remember nothing. Nothing. You understand? And I want asparagus season to last all year long. Green and white both, you hear me?"

don't be Heavily Pregnant during a Monster Incident. that's just common sense

Memoirs of an Evil Television

Big Girls Don't Exist

world's best dad mug but it says "WORLD'S ARGUABLY-EXISTS CREATURE"

Honey dears, be alert! my automatic writing sessions have produced a dire warning for one of you : Named Caroline : you cannot lose your virginity at Disney World! Entertain this fantasy no longer #WillOfTheSpirits #CarolineAdvice #Caroline

i just cloned myself...as a doll with this doll, i can - redacted - redacted - minefield experience - our instructor takes us to the beach. the last time we bore blunt daggers daubed with red, wore white robes. each strike a humiliation. the lesson? nobody wins in a knife fight. but now, we learn:

orthodoxy: ketchup belongs in the fridge heterodoxy: ketchup should be frozen in a tube shaped mold and separated into 1" thick hexagonal 'KetchuPucks' using a bandsaw, for optimal freezer storage. when needed, KetchuPucks can be rapidly defrosted for consumption using Daddy's Blowtorch

whip out my snubnose .38, firing directly into the toilet several times before yelling "MY, WHAT A SATISFYING PISS". guy after me will be too intimidated by my loud, powerful pissing to confront mee

top tip: when you wake up, immediately sell all your clothes and locate the nearest casino. use the money you win to buy guns and cars

materializing naked in an alley in 1984 (classic time travel kneeling position): kill lowtax. save the world

combat ai dynamically overriding whole regions of your brain the moment you drop below peak performance

Monday Update: - we’ve implanted some new false memories! to access them, simply think about hot air balloons, or spinal surgery