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Athena? Yeah I worshipped Athena. Athena fat ass and big ol’ tiddies so I worshipped.

Water pump went out on the way to officiate a wedding today and got stranded on the side of 95. Magic’s towing got me on their flatbed and back to their shop and one of the guys in the truck, Robert, dropped everything he had going on and got me the water pump,

Just want what they had

Look at my tomato plant

I can’t stop buying shit off Depop and Poshmark. I have become a shopping slut.

The largest Sturgeon ever caught was a Beluga measuring 23ft 7 inches and weighing 3,436 pounds from the Volga River on May 28, 1827. This is a 23 footer from 1922 out of the same river.

If you scold me then your account was hacked

Wearing shades at the gym because my eyes are dilated as fuck from getting my retina lasered and trying not to come off as creepy

Fred Schneider from the B-52’s was so cool and handsome. I bet he got so much pussy back in the day.

Me, after my wife asks my opinion on another woman’s appearance:

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guy unfamiliar with David Lynch seeing a tall lesbian do something funny: I’m getting Lynchian vibes from this

Achilles speaking to Odysseus in Hades as a ghost:

welp, I’m officially chopped, washed, capped, chunked, covered, smothered, etc 😑🔫

ancient Greek fuckboi: BΛBΣ IƬƧ ᄂIKΣ YӨЦЯΣ BΣIПG ƬЯӨY ЯIGΉƬ ПӨЩ ΛПD IM ӨDYƧƧΣЦƧ ΛПD IM JЦƧƬ ƬЯYIПΛ PΣПΣƬЯΛƬΣ ƬΉΣƧΣ ΣMӨƬIӨПΛᄂ ЩΛᄂᄂƧ YӨЦVΣ PЦƬ ЦP BЦƬ YӨЦ JЦƧƬ ЩӨПƬ ᄂΣƬ MΣ IП

Single dads when their kids ask for something besides Gwaltney hot dogs cut up in store brand mac n cheese while his new “girlfriend” orders Chipotle and Newports on his DoorDash account for the fifth time during his one weekend a month:

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Real art is an awkward middle schooler drawing themselves as a wolf girl with fangs howling at the moon on the back of a Five-Star one subject notebook.

Got some Urkel glasses