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"I'm pretty sure you can walk over that threshold, Dracula, you just want to be carried."

Because the 1st is a Saturday, “How is it August already?!” will be observed today, Friday, July 31, 2026. Please panic accordingly.

Apologies if you've already heard this one: "People who don't understand the difference between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I can't put into words."

Republicans insist Mitch McConnell resting comfortably following routine taxidermy procedure

Republicans insist Mitch McConnell resting comfortably following routine taxidermy procedureWASHINGTON D.C. - GOP lawmakers are chastizing their Democratic colleagues, as well as members of the media, for inquiring about the 6 week disappearance of Sen. Mitch McConnell, insisting the lawmake...www.thebeaverton.com

Nolan heard about Herzog dragging a boat up a mountain and decided only based on that information to become a filmmaker

The Odyssey (dir. Christopher Nolan)