Профиль

bought a pack of, ostensibly, baseball cards the other day. here are the good ones

sending my boss an urgent email requesting the rest of the day off. the body simply reads: "beach."

made these this morning and, gang, run, don’t walk. dare i say drink of the summer

this might be a controversial opinion but i think everyone should get a yearly free pass to threaten to beat the fuck out of a colleague.

the ROI on these bribes is insane. it’s always, like, “some dumb fuck gave the president a gold bar and in return they were awarded the entire state of alaska”

guy painting the house cut our internet line 👍

we’re, what, maybe three weeks away from trump telling suzy kolber that he wants to kiss her?

biblically accurate pepper-spraying drone

he should really be using a miter saw for cross cuts

finally realizing my life long potential of becoming a beach bum and all it took was *squinting* moving to cleveland ohio

hmm... i guess probably blow his fucking brains out? drop that fucker right where he stands?

remembering a family friend who, before they started defaulting to dressing on the side, would order his salads "swimming-- and i mean swimming in ranch" every time. wonder how that dudes doing.

tfw you were leading a battalion up towards the 49th parallel

ah, well, no harm ,no foul. cheers!

why is trump always giving speeches? in the middle of the day? get a real job!

love to make a concerted effort to buy direct and avoid shopping on amazon.

sorry boss, can't come into work today, i'm going to go throw some rocks in the lake.

POV: you're absolutely fucked

finally won the big game in what will be the crowning achievement of my life. just wish some other country’s shithead president was here to celebrate with me 🫤

The Beach Bastard has arrived.