Профиль

As I was explaining to my grandpa how likes and reposts work he started writing me out of his will

I asked my doctor if my heart was healthy enough to take Viagra and he said it’s not even healthy enough to watch the commercials.

*squeezing oatmeal from a water bottle directly into my mouth*

My dog gazes at my sandwich I say “should’ve tried evolution” I laugh cuz he can’t understand me He shits and I clean it up