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I don’t believe you can really “teach people how to treat you” but I do think by calling their bluff and matching energy you can make them miserable in their choices, which is very funny.

thanks, but I only need 3 judgy cromulent trans man

Watching the elderly people in my life melting the fuck down compels me to say: Guys, please just get divorced in your 30s or 40s if you aren’t loving the trajectory of your marriage. I PROMISE it will be worse when you are 80, for you and for everyone else unfortunate enough to be involved.

I do not understand this thing people around me keep doing where the thing they MOST want is totally impossible, so rather than just opt for a totally achievable second or third ranked thing, they stubbornly insist on the first thing and then inevitably get what they want the LEAST as a result.

therapist just mentioned their partner had their first embryo transfer last week so here I am pulling out my google calendar and putting “do not have a mental breakdown” at the end of April/early May

Week 6 of testosterone got me googling shit like “will my clit hurt forever”

It’s so fun that I’m currently having all the cyclosporiasis symptoms, but I just happen have the “looks exactly like cyclosporiasis symptoms” chronic illness where this happens to me once every couple months for no apparent reason my GI doctors can figure out.

I generally liked season 2 of Paradise (the outside storyline much more so than the bunker) but you cannot make TV like that and ALSO have Movie Trailer Soundtrack Syndrome. There has to be a ceiling for the melodrama somewhere, such as around the dozenth Imagine Dragons-esque needle drop.

It took 11 years together but my spouse and I have finally been forced to conclude what every single other couple in my paternal family did years ago: we cannot share a bed.

Spouse: No no, I swear The Prestige isn’t a boy movie! *opening shot is literally hundreds of top hats* Me: It ain’t looking good for you, buddy.

Starting to feel that overwhelming pressure I last felt my final couple years in Arizona, the “I need to get out of this place” claustrophobic vibe that I just really do not care for. I want this miserable summer to end, I want to leave this state, want to pick the place I live on purpose for once.

Enormous thanks to my mother in law for being weird NOW before I commit to spending all our savings on flying out to her wedding in December, I was seriously considering it and can only imagine if she was doing this AFTER I dropped the cash on flights instead of a down payment on a new car 😬

Save me vegan pizza with caramelized onions and basil, you’re my only hope

My friend died yesterday and all I can think about is how many other people the nation would have *rejoiced* to lose, and yet instead it is for some reason an incredibly funny birth doula with a bunch of young children who got to spend 5 years puking her guts out on chemo and then dying anyway.

I am a big brave boy who must watch TikTok videos on my phone while getting my T shot so I don’t cry

My most controversial opinion about dry wedding discourse is that the most boring weddings I’ve ever been to would NOT have been meaningfully helped by the presence of alcohol. Boring people are just boring, full stop.

You know the drought where you live is pretty bad when the weather channel starts saying we “ideally” need a big hurricane to hit soon or we’re fucked.

I never in a million years thought I would be someone with a Sam’s Club membership before a Costco one, but here we are. Sometimes life doesn’t go according to plan… (spouse got it free through work and I found out their Uncrustables are double the size and half the price of the ones we buy)