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Not your father's Nintendo 64. More like your weird cousin's, who spends a lot of time on 4Chan and who nobody trusts around sharp objects.

Okay, so there was this really old SNK game called Yosaku, where a woodcutter chops down trees while avoiding the wildlife. Here's my idea... I'm Gonna Git Yosaku, where Byron's one of the woodland critters, and he's got to stop Yosaku from cutting down trees while clinging to them.

There are many ways to play N64. There are just as many ways NOT to play N64, and I'd go with one of those.

Who would choose the cat as their Star Trek doctor? She's amusing to watch but she's got the bedside manner of a starving jaguar. She'd make House cry.

If Argonaut made a Starfox game NOW, Peppy would ask you to do a barrel roll, followed by a strafing run on a Palestinian elementary school.

Sorry, I just had to.

Duh-merica sure loves it some executions. How do you suppose they do a double execution? Hook the two prisoners up in series, like Christmas lights? "Oh crap, one of 'em just burned out."

I messed around a little bit with the Atari 7800, a long time ago. Did a thing with Byron aiming a gun in all directions, a'la Robotron. Wasn't confident of the project and I moved the same year so it never went anywhere.

Level of difficulty for retro game design: COLECOVISION: As easy as programming gets. Can't do too much, but what it can do is easily accessed. MASTER SYSTEM: The above, on visual steroids. Almost as easy to use and vastly more flexible. GAME GEAR: The above, with more colors but a crushed screen.

This is the thing. Even in my fifties, I'm still learning stuff about video game systems. Things you didn't understand before start to fall in place, and you start to understand the challenges faced by programmers in the 1980s. You understand what it means for a system to be difficult to use.

The Atari 5200 did as poorly as the Sega Saturn, and digging into the hardware reveals why... it was the Saturn twelve years before the Saturn was the Saturn. You get a lot of flexibility with the raster-based display... but good lord are you going to pay for it.

Making anything for Atari 8-bits is daunting as hell. Here's the workload for making Coleco games: * Assign a tileset and sprites * Clear screen and set the tiles and sprites on the screen

Super Bombliss is more fun on Game Boy Color than Super NES. Okay, didn't see that one coming!

Hm. Got sucked into a game of Super Bombliss DX and it's actually not bad at all. Fairly addictive, and the clustering of bombs to make super bombs adds to the technique. Not a very pretty game, though. Super, super basic.

So I got stoned and yapped a bit about the Tetris Forever collection, while playing a better game than most of the games in Tetris Forever. Henk it out! www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQKM...

Apotris: Gettin' Henky with It!YouTube video by Jesswww.youtube.com

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZW6s... "Ach, mein eyes! Das goggles do nazzink!"

Amiga 500 Longplay [587] Top BananaYouTube video by World of Longplayswww.youtube.com

"Henk! Henk! HENK!" "Oh no, Boris, not on my new pillow! Bad kitty!"

"I am freed from the shackles of communism! Now, I am happily enslaved by capitalism, and the exploitation of a guy who sounds like a noise your cat makes when it tries to bring up a hairball!"

"But comrade Henk, they're getting all chafed..." "Shut up and get back in the stanchion! Jakks-Pacific wants a plug and play!"

Henk Rogers. Now there's a guy who really knows how to ride a gravy train. I wonder if Alexey's nipples got all sore and squishy after being milked for forty straight years.