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I'm very immature thirty something for a man in his 50s

“You have to fight fire with fire!”

My partner's favorite place to be is in my way.

My wife thinks that all men with moustache are sexually deviants. Except for Tom Selleck. Which is partially the reason why I have a full beard

I work in fruit and veg and I 100% concur.

*TV remote stands tall*

[hears a voice in the sky] - Is it you? GOD?! [kneels] Voice: Could the idiot on platform 4 stop kneeling every time I make an announcement?

ANIMAL FACTS (🧵), when they reach the “Fuck it. No-one will check” level - Like their fur, tigers have stripy skin. “Oh, REALLY?!” - Here [hands over a razor], go shave a tiger. “err… no. No, I’m good”

[Starbucks] Barista: Name, for the cup? Guy I just jumped in front of in the queue: John Wick Me [waiting for my coffee a bit further]: oh no

Post a perfect album from the 90's that isn't nirvana, soundgarden, pearl jam, or alice in chains.

who do we want? the funk soul brother when do we want him? right about now

This morning, a customer ordered 10 inches of ginger and it totally sent me over the edge. WTF dude?! Do you buy your string by the gram? "Hello barkeep! I'll have two scoops of alcohol" "Everything looks delicious, one meat please!" *flips desk*

No, no, no, no!

In UK it's pretty much the same story. People don't want entry salary/wages jobs, but it's what's around (I have two) 🤷‍♂️

This morning, a customer ordered 10 inches of ginger and it totally sent me over the edge. WTF dude?! Do you buy your string by the gram? "Hello barkeep! I'll have two scoops of alcohol" "Everything looks delicious, one meat please!" *flips desk*

I bet you can still rock the look Guy

Do you wear THE outfit to fill Zardoz? You know the one

Early days and fully deserved. You and @mooseallain.bsky.social you're the best! ❤️

just so we’re clear, America banned transgender people from sports before they banned guns from schools

Nice! J'approuve ce message