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use the big margarita glasses

both mine now are obsessed with hair ties and will carry them around in their mouths. the girl cat leaves them in the dry food dish all the time. I used to have one that was obsessed with chasing ice cubes across the tile floor

never give up on your dreams

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NO INJUNCTIONS. if you make a joke, pun, witticism, or other attempt at humor or levity that fails to meet the minimum standard clearly established in the "hi hungry, I'm dad" case, you should be prepared to face the maximum penalties allowable by law

my grandma drove the same car in the same color as another little old lady at her church and once made this mistake after service. she jumped out real quick and thought nobody would ever know, except she had left her Bible behind in the seat with an embroidered cover with her name on 🤣

I used to do overhead press when I was dating long distance so I could pack my carry on heavier but still lift it myself into the overhead bin 😅

t-rex has me in tears 😂😂😂

I'm noticing that a lot of these have 'a's where there should be 'o's, I feel like this is a spelling convention that must've changed since the 80s

in his mind he's still posting, still keeping it woke she's hoping in time that he might get the joke he's posting the good posts he's doing the skeets he's posting the good post

It's my first time out to Cape Cod, and while it may not have been so much sundress weather today, it's still sundress season, dammit

but Lucy you look so Fancy!

How is it? We were curious!

you're right! I did pulverize that child by accelerating into them at maximum speed. here's what happened - you asked me to target "hostiles" 70 inches or more in height, and I didn't do that. I did identify the child had bad vibes

how many? like a tsp? I love cumin so I almost always have ground and seed on hand and my stomach is Fussy today

omg so many people with wet HVAC on my timeline 😭 fingers crossed for you!

the only thing I know about this man is that he ran out the back of his own end zone in embarrassing fashion, demonstrably knowing nothing about what he should be doing with his feet

you can eat it raw! but my husband makes it up like a tea for me, grated finely and steeped in hot water with a little honey, and it's very nice

(actually a passage from Hilary Mantel's Booker Prize-winning novel /Bring Up the Bodies/, and written about Bishop Stephen Gardiner, but when I read it again just now, could not help thinking damn does that sound like someone I know)

this fall, Robert De Niro is PRUFROCK

the Idiot Child is in so many of the photos, mother. why not I