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Still internally screaming about how I spent 2.5 hours looking for the perfect focaccia, then several mins going back and forth with a very confused bakery employee who kept trying to sell me danish, only to open the bag later to a third kind of completely different bread.

I have not gotten one complaint, so they may agree!

When you can't find something for long enough that you check to see if you set it down in the fridge is a special kind of desperation

I do this a few times every single week

All ingrates, I say

fact check: these numbers are closer to the beginning of the uprising. Final numbers of prisons and inmates involved are significantly higher.

do you ever think about how Mamdani (@nycmayor 💘) enjoying the World Cup with incarcerated people at Rikers connects to the uprising of 25,000 prisoners in Brazil in the mid 2000s? yeah, me neither #zohranmamdani #nyc #worldcup #fifaworldcup2026 #newyork

This 🌝

Lmfao making a delicious ass stew for non vampires

recently learned my car has terrible noise insulation, meaning I’ve been coming home and absolutely blasting booty jamz at my elderly Korean neighbors at 2am for years

fact check: these numbers are closer to the beginning of the uprising. By the end of it, there were a LOT more prisons and inmates involved.

🫡

(brother smelling his fingers) Me: “what are you smelling your fingers for? pervert” Brother: “they smell like garlic.” Me: “why? you shoving garlic up your ass?”

How long can you hug the pizza delivery guy before it gets weird

💀 lmao

witnessing someone learn a new word and use it incorrectly every chance they get feels like constipation

I thought the same! I was surprised she didn’t let it go to voicemail

There must be time for rest 🙂‍↕️ best of luck on the job you applied for

Ohhhh my god. This behavior!! And sometimes people get so stressed about travel, even if they are traveling for leisure

haha you know what… just make a new phone from scratch