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Scotrail: Use our new app It: :( it doesn't work on its phone... Scotrail: Oh - well, that's fine - eat shit!

"Rocket Crash?!" [Google] "Oh, it's SpaceX - yeah, that makes sense. Cosmo-chauvanistic bastards"

New personal favourite is "Why aren't there millions of hours of videos of Space Junk!" Uh, why would there be millions of hours of videos of a dropped wrench or a pea-sized bit of metal Runner up: "How can it hold down the Ocean but not a tiny butterfly" Gravity is proportional to mass. Also wings

Arguing with Flat Earthers is really funny because they're clincially unable to describe the Earth rotating and also moving around the sun and also the galactic core and also amidst the local cluster As anything other than like 50 random words

Might have to tell its doctor tomorrow that being alive like this is 100% unsustainable and that it isn't sure it can survive another fucking week of yowcherz

Been trying to sleep for like 2 hours on and off. Its 3pm rn but if it's really dedicated it could probably sleep for 15 hours or w/e Anything to get today to go away. That's right, another bad one

Every time it sees a "cute animal video" it immediately ruins its day. Its brain is so fried that it gets turbo-mad at pictures of bunnies sleeping.

Sometimes it thinks about recording a timelapse of its entire waking day. Like compress 18 hours into 6 minutes. it would only need to record 1 room as its smoke breaks would take like 3-4 seconds max

Had a shower and now have a herd of Valkyrie playing Rockband in its entire spinal column, with party overflow into the shoulders and knees that have found their joy in Just Dance It wouldn't be so bad but their song choices are rough

Video Title: "The K-80 Keyword Crawler situation is going CRAZY (August Edition)"