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Stop taking your medication and buy a sword

did you text this to a salmon?

This should serve as a warning...

we need a klein/wolf rhyme for kaitlan collins and caitlin clarke

asking the sommelier for something very dry and getting furious when it comes out wet

Walkers should start producing small bags with exactly eight Quavers in them called Semibreve send tweet

spam email saying my access to chatgpt will be cut off if i don't "update my payment details", like that's a threat

it looked like it was going to rain earlier and then it didn’t, and this is worse than losing a sneeze

basically the revenant, from from the bear’s p.o.v.

sorry for commenting “seems like AI” on your pregnancy announcement

me, whenever i eat a stalk of celery

I’m too young to be this old

If you’re obsessed with the lab leak theory you’re gonna absolutely go wild about this theory that the sitting US president in 2020 helped Xi cover up what was going on with Covid in China and then willingly pumped out propaganda on the internet running cover for the Chinese leader

Good-faith concern on this issue would be going, "hmm, professional sports leagues should probably have some standards in place to ensure trans competitors aren't getting an unfair advantage," googling for 5 minutes, realizing every sports league already has those standards and dropping it.

that would be quite repetitive wouldn’t it

btw “small and weird” is how my dad’s dad described my mum the first time he met her, and is considered a huge compliment in our family

open mic could take live at the apollo to other channels, like angst took mock the week to u&dave i suspect the reason there’s no c4 equivalent to the apollo - the c4 equivalent would be smaller and weirder - is that even a low-budget stand-up show represents poor value for money for them

love this

had to block some people for Doing The Thing

So weird that the RW press have for decades gone 'and this is our little sweaty perv goblin Quentin. We keep sending him to write about politics and plays. Quents, what did your last article about PMQ say?' Letts: stinky little feets