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the it's not mine-to-just holding it for a friend-to-LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU pipeline

and then they let him alienate fans* in Miami!!! *and steal from taxpayers

At least an ISIS sympathizer would put me out of my misery relatively quickly

46 minutes and counting, nearly all of it on hold, while I try to get it through to my mortgage company that I very much would like some documentation that the tax payment was, in fact, made

you're hella early

the new one's good tho

like Weezer's car wreck when they were leaving after they dropped the Green Album off at the record company

plenty of room on the marlins badwagon if you want to know what real pain is

zoobooks for grown-ups hell yea

Damon in Entourage lives with me forever

I gotta work both those days. Unless??

The Onion looks back on 250 years of American exceptionalism. Watch now on youtube.com/theonion

80 regular/20 vanilla

I mean I'm not going to make her accountable for her dad's political decision-making but I also don't give a good goddamn about legislators' kids being besties

canine shield

Bron in Philly:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOwJ...

I shouldn't have to have a root canal AND a Marlins game in the same day. That should be against some kind of human rights statute.

win 17 out of 20. lose 8 straight.

got questioned once in... I wanna say middle school? for using "yet" to mean "however"