Профиль

I am not prepared for the stress of the next 48 hours. Send all the love and kindness.

King size bed so I have extra room to fight my demons before we cuddle.

Who amongst us doesn't cook the whole pound of bacon to make a loaded baked potato?

I turn 43 in two months. Is that the year I learn how to make new friends?

I'm delightful 86.835% of the time. At least.

I'm second hand embarrassment, why would she do that kind of crazy... not 25th amendment, lost touch with reality kind of crazy.

Accidentally had avocado toast for lunch instead of paying my mortgage again.

I do yoga to increase my flexibility and sit in increasingly awkward positions.

We did not make baklava over the weekend. And now I want a piece of the baklava I didn't make yet.

My apologies. We're all out of inspiration and motivation. Would you be interested in sarcasm, innuendo, or an inappropriate comment instead?

People who followed me because of a cat video and didn't read the "NSFWish" and "pervy humor" parts of my bio deserve the horror of what's coming.

Simultaneously craving attention and wanting to be alone is the cornerstone of my completely contradictory personality.