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Day 115 of sobriety. I’m thinking hard about time management & how I can improve myself in that area. It seems to me that whenever I get ONE invite to hang out with friends, I suddenly have a BUNCH coming in at once after I said yes to the first invite! I wish I could clone myself & be everywhere.

Day 114 of sobriety. I am in a relatively good mood today! Let’s see what the vibe brings; as always, I’m thinking I’ll write stories & try to sell stuffed animals. I might have another sewing person on board, replacing the previous employee; that feels way better than closing the business.

Day 113 of sobriety. I really have the itch to NOT just sit & do absolutely nothing, but I know I won’t feel fulfilled if I ONLY substitute that nothingness with chores & obligations. I want to live my day, not simply exist in it. More to come if we decide to get up & DO something.

Day 112 of sobriety. Trying to keep my mind off Eating & Drinking. When they start with capital letters, it’s my way of conveying disorders. Drinking with a capital D is alcohol; little d is water or juice. Eating with a capital E is mindless, endless chowing; little e is a healthy meal or snack.

Day 111 of sobriety. I feel uncertain today, but not about that. I’m facing a few big changes in the near future, & I am (I would LIKE to think) healthily apprehensive about them. One of them deals with my physical wellbeing, & I have questions & doubts about the way it’s going to be presented.

Day 110 of sobriety. Back at the library to chill and read and maybe get myself a coffee. ☕️ 👀

Day 109 of sobriety. I’m out of the house today, helping someone take care of moving. I JUST mentioned my sobriety to them & they congratulated me on my progress, which feels good. 😊

I need to scratch the itch. Either the writing itch or the acting itch. I feel like I’m gonna burst if I don’t whip out my laptop & tap away at my stories, & I wanna jump out of my skin from how much I wish I could AT LEAST go to an audition! I’m not ONLY my sober journey; creativity excites me too.

Day 108 of sobriety. I feel indecisive today… I have things I need to do here at home but I want to get out of the house (again) & not just sleep the whole day like I usually do. I am really looking forward to a time when my brain stops warring with itself & lets me be at peace with my choices.

Day 107 of sobriety, & I have had a HELL of a day. Nothing is going right, there is just bad shit on top of bad shit happening, I haven’t had one spare moment to document my sober journey or check in with y’all in general; I’m sorry but my GOD I’m frazzled. It’s shaping up to be a LONG weekend. 😓

Day 106 of sobriety. Rough day. Just remembering to post now. Went for bloodwork and they couldn’t find a vein. They stuck me and stuck me for thirty minutes, for nothing. I joked at the technician that I should have had a drink to loosen up before coming in.

Today’s the 23rd, I will next have an opportunity to go back to the library on the 27th. Let’s see if I can’t knock out an ENTIRE book a day over the ensuing four days. Starting in just a little while.

Day 105 of sobriety. At the library again today, focusing on finding and keeping joy. I have so much to do later… ah!

Day 104 of sobriety, completely slipped my mind to post until just now. I want to keep hanging onto my joy, no matter how or why it manifests for me.

Day 103 of sobriety. I made my own joy again today & I’m not going to tell ANYONE how I did it. Sorta feels icky to be subtle & secretive, but that’s how it’s been for a while & I’m trying my hardest to deal with it. I will give away one hint: a literal dream 😴 came true in this situation.

Objects make ME happy, but no one ELSE. When I show what brings me joy & get SCOLDED for having it? It STOPS bringing me joy, I feel GUILTY for being happy, & I get RID of it. I’m crying right now bagging these Hazbin Hotel ducks up to take BACK to Five Below even though I just got them yesterday.

Day 102 of sobriety, still feeling a little rough as if I drank, but I know you all understand that I didn’t. I shouldn’t be having withdrawals 102 days in, right? Anyway, does ANYONE here like stuffed animals and feel like following my page on Facebook? Let me know and I’ll message the link.

Day 101 of sobriety, and oddly enough, today I feel like I have a vicious hangover even though I did not drink a single drop. The rest of my body doesn’t think this is dehydration, so I’m not entirely sure it IS; I just know it’s not comfortable. Gah.

Day 100 of sobriety, and it’s trying to storm here so I’ve been managing “rain pain” for several hours. I forgot what else I needed to say, but I’m tired and sore so I’m gonna rest up a little longer.

Day 99 of sobriety. I should feel happy, accomplished, positive; but I don’t. Can’t tell if I regret my sobriety (is it too far or extreme to NEVER drink again?), closing my shop (which I was sort of steamrolled into), or going no-contact with my dad (on request of someone who knows more than me).