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ItIsStevenRhodes

She placed a key on the charity shop counter. "I'm due to be hit by a comet shortly. Everything in my house is yours to sell. Except for my mother. Unless you sell people?" "We usually have them stuffed first," replied the owner. "So be it, " decided the comet's victim.

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ItIsStevenRhodes

Euphoric after an 11-0 victory, Tigersgirth United went straight to the pub next door, The Fabulous Satchel, to drink, dance and celebrate with the fans. The team left in the early hours of Sunday, marched smartly to the seafront and straight into the sea. They would emerge again next Saturday.

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1 прямых ответов · 13 сообщений

ItIsStevenRhodes

I walked past the house I'd grown up in. The inside of the building had been turned into a game show hosted by Wagon Farnaby; it was on most channels, most days. I tuned in occasionally after someone told me the prizes were forgotten toys of mine from the attic.

Ответ для ItIsStevenRhodes
ItIsStevenRhodes

Almost every Friday night, the final astronaut shuffled into The Fabulous Satchel to sing about his travels. His helmet muffled his words and his banjo playing was hampered by his space-gloves. People booed. He threw moon-rocks at them from his carrier bag. I never missed a single performance.

Ответ для ItIsStevenRhodes
ItIsStevenRhodes

Mrs Lang walked into the classroom; the children were gathered at the window. "What's going on?" "Miss Wastingloaf is being eaten by a jaguar!" the children shouted excitedly. "We don't get jaguars round here," said Mrs Lang. "I'm sure that will be a great comfort to Miss Wastingloaf," said Jenny.

Ответ для ItIsStevenRhodes
ItIsStevenRhodes

The universe had almost finished contracting. Currently, it was the size of our old house. Dad patted a sturdy plank of wood beside him. "When the time comes, I'm going to wedge this between the top and bottom of the universe," he said, "and I reckon that should hold it."

Ответ для ItIsStevenRhodes
ItIsStevenRhodes

The council could not afford any fireworks and so, once again, I had been asked to play my legendary cassette recording of the 1987 display over the PA system. The muffled explosions. The warped cheers. Dan Crimson's lovely voice at 17 minutes in, which always does origami with my heart.

Ответ для ItIsStevenRhodes
ItIsStevenRhodes

Every year, on this day, at this time, the whole gang gathers to shout nouns into the canyon. "Butter!" shouts Gladys. "Hieroglyph!" Sally bellows. At full volume, I always go with my favourite word, "Steeple!" Touchingly, Zoe cries "Turpentine!" on behalf of Tina, who fell in the canyon last time.

Ответ для ItIsStevenRhodes
ItIsStevenRhodes

With all their strength, the five of them were holding the castle door shut. The beast roared and slammed against it. I stood uselessly nearby. "Can I get you some tea?" They ignored me. The door began to splinter. One of them took pity on me and mouthed, "two sugars".

Ответ для ItIsStevenRhodes
Duchess

I've started calling my Bengal cat, Cairo, Tardigrade, for no reason. His legs do have joints and he walks relatively quickly. More of a Speedygrade.

Ответ для ItIsStevenRhodes
ItIsStevenRhodes

We've been working on time-travel for years now. I suppose I should probably tell the team I worked it out months ago. But then we'll have to use it for Important Reasons. And right now, I just enjoy visiting my grandparents and sleeping on their hideous orange sofa again.

Ответ для ItIsStevenRhodes
ItIsStevenRhodes

Once he'd removed my tooth, the dentist held it up to the light and examined it. He then walked over to an exact replica of me in the corner of the room, opened its mouth, and placed the tooth in the only empty gum. "There," said the dentist. "It's finished."

Ответ для ItIsStevenRhodes
ItIsStevenRhodes

"...and now, it's over to Toby for the weather. Toby - promise us some sunny skies for the big game tomorrow!" But Toby was not there. And then Glenn remembered. The huge argument. Toby had left, taking his weather map and his love with him. "Tomorrow will be miserable," Glenn confirmed.

Ответ для ItIsStevenRhodes
Danny Noble

these are so great! I didn't see you were on here!

Ответ для Danny Noble
ItIsStevenRhodes

I've been here a while, but lurking in some shadows I brought with me :) Thanks, glad you like the stories!