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Sunshine Jarboly

return of the psychopath: last year i got sick & was bedridden for about a week when i got a phone call from the president of arby’s who wanted to know where the hell i was. you see, i had been eating nothing but arby’s roast beef sandwiches every day for around 10 to 17 years. i was

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Sunshine Jarboly

personally responsible for keeping one of the locations afloat during a scandal when they were accused of using flamingo meat instead of beef. i didn’t care, though. it didn’t slow me down. i plowed through those flamingo sandwiches until they got back on track with the

Ответ для Sunshine Jarboly
Sunshine Jarboly

beef meats. anyway, my diet was strictly arby’s roast beefs, or ArbroBeefers as i called them, & i went to the hospital at least 5 times a month with stomach disorders. “there’s a backlog of AbroBeefers in your sector,” the president of arby’s said to me.

Ответ для Sunshine Jarboly
Sunshine Jarboly

“is everything okay?” “yes,” i answered. “i’m just sick, that’s all. i think i’ve got the grippe.” “the grippe? you mean like mr. spencer in catcher in the rye?” “yes,” i said. “exactly like that.“ “you know, we have the meats, right?” the president of arby’s said. “perhaps

Ответ для Sunshine Jarboly
Sunshine Jarboly

a roast beef sando would help.” “i’m not fond of that slogan,” i told him. “you’re not fond of it? that’s like saying you’re not fond of puppies or the color yellow. it’s a great slogan.” “it’s too raw & vague. it’s like a caveman wrote it.” i heard yelling on the other end of

Ответ для Sunshine Jarboly
Sunshine Jarboly

the line as if he was telling someone in the room to shut up. “lemme put this as bluntly as i can,” he finally said. i could tell by the tone of his voice he was getting frustrated. “WE have the meats, which means we are in possession of all the meats. we have them.”

Ответ для Sunshine Jarboly
Sunshine Jarboly

“mcdonald’s has meats. burger king has meats,” i told him. “THOSE are different meats.” “they come from the same animal,” i said. “IT’S NOT THE SAME!” he screamed. “WE have delicious deli sliced roast beef. THEY have hamburgers.” “look, i’m gonna throw up now,”

Ответ для Sunshine Jarboly
Sunshine Jarboly

i said. “it’s been nice talkin’ to you.” so, i hung up the phone & immediately tried to look up who this mr. spencer was. about four minutes later i heard a voice booming from outside. i went to the front window & saw a man sitting in a 1977 Chrysler Imperial LeBaron

Ответ для Sunshine Jarboly
Sunshine Jarboly

across the street. the window was rolled down & a man, wearing a suit & a trilby, was sitting in the front seat. he had a bullhorn pointed towards my house & was shouting ‘WE HAVE THE MEATS!’ over & over. it was the president of arby’s. damn. how did he get my address?

Ответ для Sunshine Jarboly
Sunshine Jarboly

what other sensitive information did he have? my favorite color, which is yellow, btw. did he know that my favorite dinosaur is mr. snuffleupagus? that i had 12 dollars in the bank? WHAT ELSE DID HE KNOW? so, i went to my room & got my bullhorn. i opened

Ответ для Sunshine Jarboly
Sunshine Jarboly

my front door & started yelling into the voice amplifier ‘EVERYONE HAS THE MEATS! IT’S NOT EXCLUSIVE TO YOU! CHICKEN IS MEAT, TOO! THERE’S ALL KINDS OF MEATS!’ after about ten minutes of shouting back & forth one of my neighbors had the