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Starting to think that ill-defined thing I've been yearning for today is, once again, a domme. In particular, one who enjoys setting up relatively elaborate, intense scenes heavy on the emotional manipulation, denial of agency, forced degradation, and erasing my sense of identity. Yeah....need....

Lol just casually had the thought "I'm just going to have to write my own fuckin' transfem-led space opera romance novel, aren't I?" And then had the very weird follow up thought that I probably *could* do that. Usually I dismiss the idea as ridiculous, but, like...I could? Weird.

I really dislike days like this, where I spend the whole day feeling unsettled and dissatisfied, but I don't know why, or what would help. I need to lock in though, got a lot of housekeeping chores to do, as well as some writing work.

Doing that thing where I wish I was a Hound but not for sexy or kinky reasons but rather because it feels like the only reasonable way to stop constantly stressing and worrying even though I know it would mean failing everything and everyone I care about, because oblivion just sounds so cozy rn

*sigh* and here we are starting the day off with a nice lil anxiety attack because I haven't made any progress on finding work and I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to survive. Yay.

I genuinely do not know what it is about me, but I've ended up connected with a truly staggering number of absolutely wonderful people who love, like, care for, lust after, and/or genuinely enjoy my company, and holy shit do I feel so ridiculously lucky right now. 🥰🥰🥰 I love all y'all 💖🫂

Ahhh, nothing like casually RPing the most horrifically fucked up shit you could ever conceive of with a partner who gets so fucking horny about it that it can barely keep typing 🥰

@amnestyuk.bsky.social Gods, you people make me sick. Really doing the job of amnesty international proud by falling all over yourselves to appease a single billionaire by throwing thousands upon thousands of incredibly vulnerable and victimized people under the bus. I hope you're fucking ashamed.

Actually, heck, I'll throw in a special offer here too - $25 will get you a 1000 word flash fic. You tell me the scene, I'll write it and send it to you. Little bit less fine tuning involved than a full commission, but I can offer a quick turnaround time, at least!

*rattles a beat-up tin can with a coin or two in it* Alms? Alms for the unemployed pervert? Will Write Porn For Food(well, money, that I can spend on food and such) ko-fi.com/zoeysolstice

Why yes, I *am* about to lead worship at a large, suburban congregation while wearing my WARHOUND boots.

I think subconsciously I'm hoping that eventually someone will swoop in, take me under their wing, and teach me the secret to being hot and popular and desirable, and suddenly I'll finally get to be part of the popular girls' club. I recognize this is categorically ridiculous, but-

Lol, yeah.

Heh, someone just told me to give myself the grace I deserve. Problem is, I am. They actually want me to give myself the grace *they* think I deserve. I do not know how I could be convinced that they're right and I'm wrong, though. And therein lies the rub.

Ok chat, giving a sermon at a UU service on Sunday, on the topic of stories and identity. Do I also talk to a couple hundred mostly cis middle class folk about the current reality of trans genocide, or would that be a bit too much tonal whiplash?

My girlfriend, just now: "You are emotionally intelligent (other people)." First, wow, I am fucking *skewered* right now 😅 Second, yes, she did in fact pronounce the brackets when she said that.

I dunno, I think at this point I've actually ended up in the camp of "girls getting really into WARHOUND ERPs and cosplays seem to be so caught up in the aesthetic and eroticism of it that there's a trend of maybe forgetting that this is a story about a woman abused and broken by a fascist regime."

Gods, looks and feels genuinely apocalyptic in Chicago right now. Smells like smoke and flame, got this red-orange, sickly looking sun in the sky, visibility is about quarter mile before everything just disappears into a gray haze. Cripes.

People keep telling me that they really like and appreciate having me around because I do so much to help them feel better and make them happy, and it makes me feel really really good but also slightly bewildered, because I have no clue how I make people feel like that.