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I had a joke about your mom's orgasm, but everyone had already heard it.

I had a joke about the Challenger, but it didn't land.

Fell off a horse at the family reunion but the horse was pretty drunk

Deanna Troi: you know Jean Luc, shields up might also be the reason you never married.

RIP BIG PUSSY

This abomination is a Blue Footed Booby. His name is Hank. 0/10 He can walk normally but chooses to move like this cuz the females find it sexy. It's part of a mating ritual. The entire species are freaks and deserve what they get, which is probably extinction. #AllBirdsGoToHell

I had a Mitch McConnell joke but it died.

Sorry I called your mom's house a liminal space but I saw a lot of men passing through it.

I had an affordable healthcare joke but no one got it.

*someone steals my phone* "Oh no! my means of production!"

“Don’t be afraid of commitment”, says my therapist. I take a moment to eyeball her plastic plant.

Vandals have placed a long gash in Mitch McConnell with some kind of box cutter or knife. No wait, that's from an autopsy.

That guy who cloned himself for parts except the clone gets deported cuz it's here illegally