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You can’t be kind of unequivocal

“Your expertise here” is doing a lot of heavy lifting

Unironic Bluesky Marxist was the comic relief I didn’t know I needed today

BuT dEmoCrAts PoLiTicIzE eVeRyThInG

The greatest satirist could never have imagined the paparazzi in a Pentagon press briefing. Wild times

“Thesisees”

GOP: “Well, this is just simply un-American!”

Auto pen

He lives!

“We do not negotiate with terrorists.” - Iran

I believe the term is “maximally lethalized”

So many cards. I’m carding out. I’m caaardiiinng outttttt!!!!!!

Oh, I really can’t believe what I’m seeing

Guys he’s just experiencing time dilation

WHAT?! This is the first I’m hearing about this!

Did this with Oreos and milk earlier. Can confirm.

Let’s just go ahead and send billions and billions

Alliterative gaslighting!

Presenting a book report without reading the book

The movie star?