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Bet you feel pretty bad for giving Faces of Death one star* after sitting through Scary Movie! (*It’s a one and a halfer if only for Charli XCX’s abysmal and insane American accent)

Global sauce shortage. A juice recession. We’re bone dry, folks.

No part of my vote or belief system will ever be centered around appeasing Republicans. Absolute lunatic shit to even try trotting out this argument.

Dude made almost a billion dollars on an Oppenheimer biopic and they still try arguing he doesn’t have the sauce. Lol. Lmao even.

Buddy, wait ‘till you see THIS!

The MCU did.

If any of you fall for the KC and Titi propaganda this episode tried, you are weak of spirit and will and you will not survive the flood. #LoveIslandUSA

Ouija boards are like $12. I could speak to Mitch McConnell too for that price.

That might have been the most difficult watch in the history of television. Never, ever do karaoke again. #LoveIslandUSA

I have a very vivid memory of a linear hallway gun battle just outside of a Hooters like an hour or so after emerging from a flipped bus outside of a White Castle. No game has ever understood America more.

“Ah yes, but what you failed to realize is that by showing something on screen, the filmmaker is endorsing it and saying it’s good! In this essay about Schindler’s List, I will talk about nazi sympathizer Steven Spielberg…”

I’m showing my reality TV age here, but I HAVE SEEN THIS FILM BEFORE! #LoveIslandUSA

Might be a controversial hot take, and I really hate to say something this bold, but I think that Love Island producers should possibly consider vetting their contestants moving forward. #LoveIslandUSA

When we finally rise up and eat the rich, they’ll taste of fast-casual butterfly shrimp and M&M concrete mixers. Vive la révolution.

I feel like a lot more people would get into the beautiful hot mess that is #LoveIsland if they knew that there is currently a bombshell in the villa who might legitimately be the long lost daughter of beloved late character actor Robert Z’Dar.

“Mamdani better apologize for being a more electable candidate or we’re going to be really sore and unelectable!” Bold strategy from the ghouls, looking forward to seeing how this one shakes out.

I worship at the altar of the almighty ABS system (powered by T-Mobile.)

We’re so close to reliving the glory days...

I’d like to think as a mature adult without worms in my brains that I’m above stupid capital “G” Gamer outrage, but this one… this one got close.

I never thought I’d see a real human man resemble a specific balloon float from Tim Burton’s Batman, but here we are, I guess.